Saturday, October 27, 2007

Last Chance to Evacuate (May 05, 2005)

Always thinking... Thinking about how this life sucks. Yet, I see that this life is great. And what kills me is this paradox.

Cannot cry...

Cannot scream...

All stuck in my throat like a death-pill...

So vigorous, yet so deceit...

The human mind hasn't been trained to capacitate this much of equations and emotions at one time... Or is it? Am I underestimating my mind?

Am I the one creating these paradoxes inside me?

Questions are still unanswered, wandering round my brain...

Will someone reach out a hand? Is this the last chance to evacuate the paradoxials spirals of the human enchantment?

Questionmarks...

Joy Ride to Marrihuanna! (May 07, 2005)

This is a pink day

The love, comfort, relief, joy... all protruding out of my heart, filling me from the inside

I feel this is my best day for a long time...

I feel no one can bring me back

I fear someone will wake me up from the dreamride to the eternal happiness... I fear I will never find my way back

I feel some people already are jealous... I pity them... I can't help them; they don't let me to...

I fall into the scratched surfaces of my lifes... I feel lost within the cavities

I see only the beauty... I feel this is my joy ride to marijuana... I feel I spelt marijuana wrong =)

Yet Another Blasphemy Malfunction (Jun 01, 2005)

Yet another tragedy to be faced

Yet another failure of the hopes I have been holding on to

And now the tides are loosening and I feel myself again falling into a dark chaos...

Only screams in my head... No vision... Only wailings of the earth beneath my feet, only the gloomy light of the hell I have fallen into

No vision but shadows and screams...

Torment... Suffering...

Yet I see another fall... And then another one... I wasn't able to face one and now I am facing two of them... and I feel corrupted... no one to help me... no one to hold my hand while I walk along this thin line with the fiery earthquakes in my head...

I see myself falling... I see everything fading away... I see them all falling away from me... I cry and my tears rush away from me...

I lose my way, I lose the path...

I accept the time as a surrogate religion... I feel the chronoclast inside me...

I have to speak but my jaws are rotten... They resist my temptation to yell...

I lose consciousness... I lose them... I lose myself...

And at the point of no return...

...I realize it's not me anymore...

...I realize it's her eyes that draw my route to loss...

...and I lose it all...

It's Your Last Fuckin Day On Earth (Jul 07, 2005)

1) I'm dead
2) I'm dead
3) I'm dead
4) I'm dead... and so on...
The thing is... I am dead... Having fun while rising high to the sky...
Sweating like hell... Dance-beats = heart-beats... while(run == true) { System.out.println ("I am dead")}...
Life is a code... The truth unrevealed... The death imposed...
Life is a dream... Fade away, fade in, fade out, fade through... Reality fades...
Embossed in a dream of sequences... endominated by the surpassed behavior.. I am over...
It is over... She is the only thing remeaning... and my heart yet so silent...
And 7 CD's... and Him... Adaptation in process...
The Apocalypse of the Truth endeavoured!!!
The Apocalypse You Created Abdomens Neolinking process of truth...
Death came inevitably, we scorched!!!

Recaption of the Scarlet Roses Embossed in the Reservoirs (Aug 09, 2005)

The restitution of the always that leads to the hallways dark as black and light as the glow.
Reconvention of the reality that realizes the slow flow of water that glow through the soul of the darkane knights of darkness...
The dark fist of the emperor clutching the flowers in my hands leading to my love, my only present for her, now all the hopes drown and the resumption fails as the petals of the flowers cry her name...
No hope left for a love being born, our baby has been murdered... Our only fruit of this deep love...
The dark emperor so called the fate and the mischief ruined my dreams and dreams float on the river that lead to nowhere, at least we call it because we never followed the path... the darkness putting fear into the left lobe of our brains, a bit of failure on the right atrium... it slows down... beat and not beating, a rythm that fails to achieve it's name...
The pictures tell the lie as I seek for vengeance and they show me the wrong way I get lost on my way, and find myself in a place I have never been before, a place called the land of joy... It gives a tickling creep on my back as it crushes my vertebraes, squeezes my lungs and tickles my stomach so I start to laugh for hours until I finally feel the danger and the death approaching...
So I run away...
This path that draws a triangle just a little straight from your nose gives way to the darkness... oh your nose so cute, so holy and so high that man needs to worship with the beauty of it... your hands that make you feel you are sailing on the calm waters over Atlantis, your eyes deep as the blacholes generated in the gaps between my thoughts in my brain, as I keep thinking, daydreaming so hard... as I regain my conciosuness stands the black fist of the dark emperor in my vision...
He grinned although he didn't have a mouth, a feeling it was. He looked at me although I was pretty sure he didn't have any eyes... instead he had those cavities that contained all the souls he looked upon, all those women ferociously raped, all the pilgrims, the sheep, the feast, the adventures, the races, the wisdom and the beastality that sank deep within, the violence, the gorespattered dreams, the blood of vicinity... and I felt it sucking me in too...
He handed out his dark arm, darker than black and lighter that the soul
He had the flowers in his fist... the flowers he stole from me, all my hope, all my life stolen with it, all the thing I had for my pearl, my diamond, my precious love yet to cover the walls of eternity...
There it tried to stand with the pride, fighting with the darkness of the hand, those flowers ragingly glamorous, brighter than the sun and hollower that the galaxies in my vision...
Yet they lived...
He handed them back
There I saw the tears running down his eyes, but I couldn't see because he didn't have any eyes or place for tears, he was only a hollow cloth, but I felt it running down, and I felt the urge to help him, but then felt the anger, felt trapped between dark and light, red and white, god and devil, angels and demons, saints and sinners, and the ocean seperated in front of my eyes yet the oceans didn't exist so the hallucinations sucked me in and...
I grasped the flowers and took them back as if they were my baby.. but they were our baby, my love and me... I didn't know what to do, I felt trapped, I felt cold, I couldn't feel anything, the I felt the urge to bleed...
So I did nothing...
Then I turned my back...
And I heard him say something to me, but it wasn't real because he didn't have any mouth, but a blackhole that ate all the hope a human must carry to fight the life...
He murmured something but I didn't hear... I didn'T want to...
But then I knew if I left him dark he would trace and track and hunt me down...
I felt the dizziness that came from thinking to much....
An overheat....
A lack of a fan to cool down my brain...
All the thoughts started jamming the blackholes between them...
when I reached the peaceful state of mind which I assumed I never had reached but only a psychological spasm, I needed to run away... But I needed to help...
So I stayed there for the rest of the eternity, without knowing what to do, being stuck between the two fates, being trapped by the faith and fate between a thin wall that waited to be broken down and collapse on me...
The infinity came and I stood there with my back on the dark lord... my pearl waited all the eternity on the bench just in the garden that looked like a heaven... I got lost in those thoughts in the point where we reached the infinity and we didn't know where to head because we didn't know what would come after...
Three figures, one light, one dark, and one so pale and so bright and so colorless but so alive stood there without anything to do, being stuck in two thin walls that lacked their balance, couldn't move as if God or Devil would keep us responsible for ruining the scene...
We didn't cry, we didn't laugh, we didn't have any emotions after that point, we were undead yet we were so dead...
We were there but not existant and so complez being so simple...
And swallowed by the paradoxes...
All You Can Adresses No-one... No one but that last special one

The Statement of a Confused Mind (Sept 09, 2005)

I have to say, Mr. and Ms., that I still carry my doubts as a burden
Still undecided in what to believe...
There is just something not right, I can't dare to write
Is she telling me the truth, or this all a mish-mash?
Who the hell is she, and how did she get into my life
Where did she find me, and whatsoever...
But whatever happens, still I will carry my doubt
I am unbale to believe her word, although she makes you trust her...
There is just something wrong with this, I'm tellin ya!

Incomplexity Compositions (Oct 25, 2005)

An eye cries... Silently, softly through the night... It sings the song of sorrow, it yells out the pain... It feels the feeling heart can not feel anymore...
The heart is tired... Tired and shattered... Shattered and broken... Fallen apart into pieces, like those pieces of glass lying on the floor... It lays silent, dead... No one cares to bury it... The only visitor is the silence...
The body is light... There is no one but the dead heart and silence... It lays aloft... It doesn't feel... No pain... No grief... No joy... It is the silent coffin in which the silence buried itself...
The silence echoes through the deaf ears... The deaf ears sing the songs of joy... No one hears the songs, and they get lost... Lost like the raven in the night...
The night is the closure... night hides the body like its baby... the night cries for the death of the heart... Grief flows as tears from the sky... People walk... silently...
The rain hits hard on the windows... The walls and the doors rumble... The windows listen... Listen how the silence is broken... Listen to the heart that sings softly a hum that no one heard before... No one but the windows...
The people walk past by... The body lies there... Thousands flow by and one lies there... The people lost inside themselves... The body gets carried away by the winds of entropia...
The body is light... There is no one there... Even the heart has left it... Now it's all alone, just like the heart was once... and still is... The body cries... No-one sees... No one but the emotions carried away by the wind...
Emotions strike like lightning... They make you scream... They make you cry for days... The emotions hit the body as they flow... The body cries and screams... No one hears...
No one stands there, looking nowhere in sight... Nothing happens as no one slightly lifts its head up... It sings that peculiar sound of nothing... For never...
Never comes down streaming into the heart once called the Ruby of Man... It shone like the stars used to smile... It used to sing like gulls, so free and yet so happy... It used to be free... It used to be with everyone... It used to talk... It used to exist...
Now the existance is just a fake illusion of our minds... This illision just a disillusion... The man made illusion of nothingness... A man falls, he's there for the rest of his existance... But he doesn't exist...
He, the man, cries until the moon smiles upon him... He cries for the loneliness to find its way... He cries and cries, until the ruby dies... The ruby yelps and gives it all away...
The heart lies, in the hands of the night... A man screams, a deaf man hears, he shows it to the blind, the paralyzed makes a surprising gesture with all his body...
The heart dies...

le silence vous enseigne comment chanter (Oct 26, 2005)

Laissez lui tout soyez silence... Reposons-nous et regardons fixement dans le blanc pour le reste des jours... Ne clignotons pas et ne voyons pas que le silence nous parle... Let the silence fix your heart...
N'ayons aucune signification... Soyons épurés encore pour que quelqu'un remplisse ce coeur chiffonné... Laissez le soleil de deuil chanter ses vers avec la brise silencieuse de matin... Let the silence fix your soul...
Laissez lui pleuvoir pendant mille années... Sentons la douleur dissoute dans les baisses... Absorbons la peine... Laissez le monde entendre le silence par l'oeil de l'orage... Let the silence embrace you...
Pour les morceaux brisés des âmes pour abandonner la réalité voulez l'exploit de vertu sa vérité sceptique... Les confiances seront le vide des mots vides pourtant non parlé... Laissez la prise de conseils vous à nulle part que vous n'avez jamais rêvée de... Let the silence teach you to love...
Une langue vous n'avez jamais vu des anneaux par vos oreilles, mais vous restez silencieux avec cette expression blanche... Le vide traversant vos veines... Les pensées rendues comme un moteur de vapeur... Let the silence teach you the silent tongue...
Exagéré pourtant si pauvre est le soulagement de la douleur après la morphine... Un sommeil éternel avant le coma essayé... Le sentiment enthousiaste manquant le moment du silence, voilant tout votre corps... Let the silence lay you to your sleep...
Il n'y a aucune morphine, je dors seulement screaming out your name
Il n'y a aucun crime aux rêves comme ceci begging for the nightmares to leave me alone
Et si vous pourriez prendre quelque chose avec vous yet you hear me not
il serait lumineux you don't understand me, you don't get what you mean to me
juste comme quelque chose de bon pour vivre and I sit down and cry like a little baby...
Les rêves enferment sur vous, le bis de cauchemars, l'élégie perdue aux yeux du défaut de fonctionnement, le blasphème est libérés... IT Tout finit dans un clignotement d'un oeil, et vous êtes laissé avec le silence, et il y a les larmes remplissant tout le vide enroulant autour de vous... HURTS!
I feel I will never be able to live without you...
Or maybe all is an illusion of the mind...
Mais amortissez encore vous enseigne les chansons de la désolation...

It Rains, The Cranes.. (Nov 13, 2005)

The rain fell with a slightly different tough on the body tonight
It hit the skin like a club that tried to kill rather than pet
It seared the cells as it was the blaze from hell
It hurt the soul within just like the tears from heavens did
It punctured the last resistance and let our guard down...
And we fell in blood...
This solitary soul wept high for forgiveness, for all the things he has done
Yet he didn't know that he committed... With a sligth ambiguity inside
Doubts acknowledged the rights of disaster as the arcane shadows revealed themselves
Subliminary screams broke and the flesh jagged
The spirit came out with the enormous sound of suffer left inside
And it fell in God...
Today we saw from these very eyes what everyone is...
It still hurts... as the rain fell like drops from the eyes of the soul yet unexistent...
The pain drains down to the heart...
But we still stand...

Airtag and Unlimited Ammunition

Place that bullet in your head, for once
I want to see how well it suits you
I want to be thrilled by the joy you feel
As you jump on the trip to the other side
Feel the warmth inside
Feel the shine of metal
Smell the smoke of the burned flesh
And that of the powder beneath
Taste what your moment looks like
Analyze it in your blood trickling down your eyes
Cry red as the tears for the last time
Fear not, and feel no regrets
You are off this fucking planet
You are out of here
The blackout, the soothing silence
You are here, among us..

We are the living
Yet both feels the same

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Perception of a Stranger in a Strange Land

Lost in the sands of time
A grain of dust in the eye of the storm we are
Carried into that old wretched place
So unknown, so rotten
Yet voluntarily arrived
Complaints trail off with the wind
And we are fingered by the poker
The follower of the greater good, named fate
A glance back to our past
Stardust of memories sprinkle on our wounded hearts
The pain, the blaze...
Chin dithers, defeat and solitude oozes out of the entity:
Air exhales as a vicious scream
Burnt by the fire in the fury and damnation,
Water pounds the soil that shivers with the cold of the solitary soul...

Left alone as one in the desert
Silence embraces our thoughts
A third-person perception of what we are
Shows a spiral to a downfall
A silent crash that only an ant could care
Yet there's food to be delivered, we are forgotten
We become no one, only a part
Of that wretched soil we were once drooling for
A lost track of identity flies to the verge of the horizon
A total stranger looking at me

Absent in the shady gray of the thoughts in a mirror to the past

previous comments for this post:
karolette said...

"solitude mystery" diye bi kitap var.. Jostein Gaarder'in.. ona döndüm bazı yerlerde..bi kaç tümleme yapabilirim kendimce, oda tadında olsun, bizim gibi..

so unknown so rotten!

there's an inevitable disappointment each time after the feeling of euphoria for the "new" one/place..

A stardust of memories sprinkle on our wounded hearts

we dont have much memories actually, not much to fill a bottle of wine, yet..

Silence embraces our thoughts
A third-person perception of what we are

silence is horrifying when you're left alone, when you have but the silence to confide in. yeah a third-perception of what we are, a callous one!

"a total stranger looking at us"

i never liked strangers.

saygılar, oy oy..