Snow

The first snow of the year
And you were not here..

You were not here with me
My arms still clinging to nothingness
I just want to give up and run home
Come back to you
Just to give you my love
Burning all inside
Melting all the snow that fell on me
As I was rumbling with feelings out in the cold..

A small trembling thought came hit me
No excuses..
I was struck down and never healed..
I never had the chance to get up
Covered by snow I was
And a gull swept past..
Watching it, I felt hopeless
That's how a thought struck me down..
One point to the winner,
I am completely down

It was the first snow of the year
My eyes looked around but you weren't here..

Dead Cold

Through that unbearable darkness bulges a shine..
It's a ray, I can see it with my eyes, the shape, the thickness.. it is a ray..
I ask myself, will one ray be enough? I look around, everything is so dark.. The ray tries to brighten the room.. But the darkness is too big.. and the ray is so small..
Then I realize that I left the lights out...

What are you? Where do you come from, then, you little ray, I ask.. It runs away and I lose its trail in the light.. I turn it all off, and there it is, crying right over at the corner of a melody..
I gently pat its back and feel it shiver.. It is as though my hands are dead cold.. I feel them.. My hands are dead cold..
Why did you come here, I ask, to show me that I forgot to turn the lights on? He slightly nods his head.. Am I that stupid? Do I need a poor little ray to descend upon my darkness to realize that the darkness is all my fault?
Why are you crying? I can feel it crying.. It has these little hicks with minute sobs.. I pat it on the back once more.. It shivers again.. My hands, dead cold..
It's.. it's too dark in here, it says. But I'll lose you if I turn the light on, right?
No, idiot, I'll be everywhere.. Besides you'll have plenty of rays, so you won't need me!
But.. but you are one special ray..
Oh come on! I am just a light cast on your stupidity, why would you need a ray that sticks that in your face? Well.. he is right in a way.. I let it go.. I turn the light on..
Rays fall on me.. I feel the heat..
My hands, dead cold..

Why are my hands cold, I ask..
BECAUSE YOU AVOID US! Whoa.. a choir! Only one of you, please..
Because you avoid us.. Because you don't want to be touched by the rays, you only want to see the brightness.. The light is cast upon you, not in you.. You don't let it go..
How.. How do I let it go?
Well, that's yours to find...

I sit down, thinking for weeks... My hands, still dead cold...

Shrieks in Darkness

When everything means nothing to me I suffer
All is nothing but a dead silence I can't take it anymore
And I am lost within the veil of darkness These feelings deep inside
Embrace me, oh my fate They keep hurting me
Embrace me stupendous void... And being unable to cry
Let my eyes never get used to darkness With eyes dried out
Blindness shall bring me fortune! That is what's killing me, deliberately

Multitude

Until a degree of silence, you know that you are alive. Once the void is an embracing factor rather than blind visual, life should give you trembles like stall on an airplane..
Mischief will not be an escape..
True realization will come from somewhere out of nowhere. The disillusion is that people tend to believe that it is only nowhere, but the fact is that there is actually a point where ideas diverge from. If it came out of nowhere, it must be like matter/anti-matter relation, so you eventually have to forget something while the realization hits you..
Maybe a brain damage?
Maybe the loss of belief in the previous perceptions?
Then maybe the "out of nowhere" is true after all..
Who knows when you actually are incapable of feeling the "nowhere" with your five senses?

Concussion

A belief that trust is an issue of matter, not a spiritual awakening, is true in some sense.
We feed on what is provided, not on the winds that sweep us by. So in a way, we need something solid to keep us awake, like a slap..
A slap can be understood both as a factor that supplies the trust, or as a back stab, depending on the intention of the warmth on the face..
With that being said, all was above the postures of regularities..
One might have thought that the ideas were missing one "l" from becoming ideals of life, but the momentary succession never lived up a reputation of being what we might call the truth. Yet we realize that the deepest oblivions are the burdens that form up our lives although they are the most distinctive stenches that erupt from the daily living.
As we come to the realization, we are drowned in books of people that actually have the power to control you.. Even every single move you make...
These successive stories all have a rigid past...
And what hurts the most is that now a person that past through those steps can make someone else feel the same way!
Guess that's how you explain revenge out of the dictionary context!
Blame it on someone to correct your mistakes, but that never happens. Whatever you do sticks on and you are you and it never goes away..
Pointers will never direct any other place..

Poster and Intimacy

Dangling from the side of the bed was my head...
Dangling from the other side was my head...
Hanging down from the four walls was my head...
Beating around like a wild creature without aim...
That wasn't my head, finally, she said...
But that's because I forgot my head...
Dangling from the side of the bed...
Running off naked through the sidewalks that lead to somewhere
But somewhere probably I wouldn't know because I can't see ahead
And I said I was naked but I lied, I was probably not
But I knew not, because I left my feelings dangling from the side of the bed..
Without enough sleep, without enough feeling to feed the veins
I felt my head was a useless weight, so I cut it out..
Then I was terrified but I couldn't make my body feel it
And it just didn't know what was going on
So it just began running through the sidewalks, probably not naked though
That would've been... a little embarrassing
Although no one would've known it was me!
Because it was my headless body!

Awakened by the next tune in my playlist, I realize that my head was still here..
But wait, what's that then, dangling from the side of my bed?
And hanging all around the room, am I seeing the dead?
Or just simple hallucinations?
Or am I simply going out of my mind, and it's everywhere but my head?

The Cherry Blossom

It was a cherry blossom that both woke me up and put me to the sleep.. An enormous dream.. And I was lost..

I was lost forever in the tranquility of my own whispers as the cowardice daubed my thoughts.. A rustic integration that tickled the palate and vacuumed back all the words that were ready to pop out.. Phrases pronounced backwards, they were always something stupid that the nature was incapable of digesting..

Yet the selfish ear was not so miraculously gifted after all as it pumped the electrified notifications of astonishment while it turned red like a caring mother with a little brat..

SPANK!

The true observer only sees that the reaction never had an effectual outcome as the words kept themselves in an isolated loop of reverse play. Yet the backdrops rooted to that same event that caught the eye of the observer and permanently stole it.

The cherry blossoms, encircled by their aura of delicacy.. over-flooded

Felt the pain while the images exploited the stability of mind.. And the images were fake, as they were simple copycats that tried to duplicate the reckless impact that felt it was ok to steal the eyes of gold. Now, the mind depended on these barely legal twins to imagine, for one more time, that it actually saw.. But only lies to empower the living, as the arduous task to bear the transmissions that the eye sent somehow all through its abduction were a knife poke in the wound that was a river on the holy mountain where the soul rested.. A small shriek of agony, yet enough to scare the audience.. The transmissions, oh the bitter taste of the aftermath, oh the non-dissolving images of those cherry blossoms that kept appearing out of nowhere like tedious pop-ups…

Wait a second, the mind whispered after a while, I hear something. The eye was sending ultra zoomed letters from the newspaper which he was rolling through, creating a message that we should’ve discovered before.. “I ENjoY aBDuCtiON!” A surprise, a shot of blood to the head, and a bullet saved. A torture that mesmerized the very cells that rejected the political process of the body as a whole and shouted for vengeance.. Now they were enjoying this solitude they were left in, like bacteria that was supposed to die after a time in the testing plate they were left on.. They grew, they overflown, they oozed out of every pore they could find and faked that they were only sweats because the room was not chill enough. Liars, politicians never chance, that is a lesson of life..

Annoyingly repetitive became addictively essential.. Shapeshifting of translucent illusions that flow through the jewel casket.. The inverse of everything, adoring the golden gleams from an emerald, burning up with the ruby, a sugilite painting the horizons..

Yet the pain remained.. Then the mind reached a clever self-realization that created an ultimate paradox: that it was inane! How could it not read the signals that it was not the eye burn but the stomach ache caused by the overflow in the stack of possible listing of words swallowed in reverse? A dull woe of the criticism left the users to fill in the blanks.. The passionate singer shouted from the background the melodies that were long forgotten.. It was all coming back.. They were all the phrases stored beyond knowledge, only used to disturb the birds of sunrise and the springs of the great lake! The loud lovely chant in the background, the mind self-dullified, the cramps crawling all over the skin..

The cherry blossoms shivered with a gentle breeze..

And the body couldn’t hold itself against all the stress burdened on its back like the Atlas and threw the entire world away, not caring about anything, not the future, not the self, not even the self-existing society that it formed throughout the years.. Now everything was a bulge in his chest that he wanted to cough out, and the airwaves traveled with the words within.. The bombs dropping like the fireworks to the grounds, as the sunset was veiled with a flowery noontide.. A chaotic beauty could’ve been the description.. The words ablaze tried to smell like the cherry blossoms but mostly failed as they trailed away, but were never discouraged..

The cherry blossoms were wide awake, hearing what was coming towards the wind..

And the reply, was a smile..

...

BAM! Dissilusionment..

Comatosis

And then I realize that this is not temporary..
I realize that it is here to stay..
That's when I give up my will to stay here anymore..
That's when I want to run away..
Wherever the wind might take and drop me..

I realize that it will follow me..
I know that it is a permanent spot on my heart..
I take my knife out to cut it out..
I know that I will fail in the end..
I drop it, I drop myself..
I feel dropped inside, alone, on the rainy pavement..
I contribute to the flood passing over me..
I feel emotions rushing like a wild herd of bisons..
I feel beaten..
I say, thanks for the massage..
I faint into the faint lit dreams..
I drown in my olden memories..

Ultimate Destruction

Hypothetical measurements of the future surround us as the minutes make us dizzy with their fancy moves..
My indulge to these relatively minuscule smattering emboldens the truth itself..
I am a pantheon for freedom, yet I am the slave of one ultimate source..
One might call it love, or affection.. or even fetish, if they are bold enough..
I call it the pure path of existence..
And as snow covers the path, I slowly diverge from what I need to follow..
I am lost, without that smile..
That smile is the only thing I am looking for..
Just like a home appliance that runs on specific voltage..
I want to say fuck that, let's break the rules..
I want to use an adapter..
But these ways are only useless hopes that gives us a nil..

I am one, that falls on the road by tripping on himself..
I created what I am, now I destroy..