Nothing Will Be the Same Again

I always wanted to call myself a simple fool for playing with such big words,
I would look at myself in the mirror and say "What are you doing? Leave that alone!
You're going to break it.." I always saw myself holding the Ruby, trying to steal it away..

It was one of those nights that I sneak peeked at what was right below my chest.
I remember myself being horrified after that sight bedazzled me for weeks...

That's how everything began..

I just went back to old memories as I felt the cold chill on my back..
It was patting my back, saying "Everything will be ok", a sentence
That gave nothing but pain and took my faith away..
After all those years, there was only this cold chill that was slowly killing me
Waiting for it's reward that I kept in my chest..
My Ruby..

  *****

The first time I looked at it was the moment that I knew I could not live without it..
I knew that it was that one thing that kept me alive,
Pumped the words to my tongue and fingers...

I was to keep it for myself, I knew it.. it was going to be my own secret that I'd be buried with..
That's what I promised, and I kept it. Until..

Until there was the second person involved, the one that I wanted to share my secret with
I let them sneak past the dark chambers of my mind, through the traps
Into that grand chamber to share that moment with me..

They looked away, they didn't care..
They acted as if it wasn't there..
They spat on the Ruby, I kept it clean
Tried to save it from them, but I should've known
I should've stuck with my oath.. For ever..
With every single word, the Ruby shattered, the juice leaked
and I saw it die with my own eyes.. I patched it, healed its wounds..
Now it looked just like new..
Then I promised, to keep it alive..

The promises were to be broken
Just like the Ruby..
It was constantly attacked, my weakness..
I was not the perfect guardian, I failed..

Now that huge monument that took my mind away
Was nothing but a small rock in my palm
Keeping alive with my chest's warmth..
I could hear it moan, I could keep it dying..

*****

I looked at myself in the mirror..
It was that kid that played with the Ruby
Not even knowing what it was..
I told him, nothing will be the same again..
He looked at me, smiled, and dissapeared out of sight..

Now a sullen heart lay bare in this world
Unguarded against all the filth..
I lay down on the pedestal of the great temple that was its..
Now ruled by wild ivys and tranquility
And a cold wind that watched me give up..

I coughed, blood spurted, I knew the end was near,
I heard the wind whisper "Everything will be fine"
I let go a smile, closed my eyes, watched my soul rise..
I clenched the Ruby once more, felt the warmth
I knew that my hand wouldn't let go
Even when I was away..

Revival

I once believed that a man could be revived..

I saw comebacks from the other side
I have seen deaths, but I have witnessed the last moment returns
Bodies that sprinted with joy after the events
The people jumping up and down with joy..
I've seen it all..

I still believe that it is possible to bring back a dead body
It's just not the same for a dead soul..

The End is Alive

The end is alive and I have seen it
Seen it with my very own eyes..

The end of my hopes killed my dreams
The end of my dreams strangled my life
The end of my life brought me to tears
The end of tears dried up the emotions
The end of emotions created me
The end of me will be the darkness, and
The end of darkness is nowhere to be found..

I have seen darkness when I was alive
And it's the end of it all..

The Leap of Darkness

O' heavenly voices and the dark clouds that give way to the holy light
O' the screams within each and every man
The slavery of thy masterpiece
Behold the man with the blood shed for tears
Behold, for ere lays the land with pitch black soil
A grudge hidden from the eyes of the mortal
The secrets soaked up by the caring mother
From the chariots of that swipe deadly sins..

As Prometheus set flames to my hearts that will never dim
I feel it breaking the casket and taking all over the coffin
The limbs are alive to full power ahead, and the world ends
Up where the destiny is set
Cowardly yet precautious is the invasion that sets within the hand of power
The will to rule it all, the slaughter of the good
The evil rising in charge, the simple plan concocted
Even the foretold baby was born..
Today, the fate will play the strings
An unknown desire that will be in charge
Once and for all
Until the flames will light for eternal destruction
Once the phantom limb will be the crusher..

O' heavenly voices and the dark clouds that give way to the holy light
O' the screams within each and every man
Tonight is the night to go silent
Tonight is the night to color black the skies
And never shed hope to the humankind..
Gloom and despair will have no pity
On those that prevent them from venturing forth
Darkness will not hesitate to choke
What heaven and joy provoked..

The Limit

I can feel I am approaching the limit
Slowly and slowly, I can feel fury taking over me
As I get less and less obedient
Loose any kind of affection towards any human..

For me, a human without a breath
A time that stays instead
Is the chef's choice on the menu..

As my solitude is hindered
I become something that I fear
A man of zero tolerance and extreme rage
With a clench far beyond deadly

I feel this unity is killing me
As I give birth to a perilious baby

Love in the Time of Daisies / Snow Borne Sorrow

We form clouds with our mouths
In the burning chill of a winter night
A homebound train of thought leaves our heart

A silent music is the shattering hope that stings our heart on this lonely night
The transient hospital for the sorrow lays the foundation
Whenever a shining thought comes to mind, it loses the light
Becomes the very burden of the distance with reality..

Ghosts are not here to haunt, but to beat us down
Break our legs so we can't stand up straight and high
The lack of tolerance to the past not being the future corrupting us
Laying us into those shuddering dreams and nightmare streams..

Amiss is the greatest companion more than a friendly hug
Or a feverish kiss that bursts into joy..
Amiss is the beauty of it all, the simple pleasures of being alive,
Bitter is to live without a soul to embrace
Feel like nothing more than a dull casket
Limping around this lifeless earth that constricts the merry will..

Love in the time of daisies
Laying around the meadows of the sun
Where the cattle is alive and dreaming..
Filled up to the top notch with elegant delight
I surrender to my feelings, rocking me like a restless ocean
Hand fondles the plains of life, a quiet smile accompanies
Picking up the petals to discover love's destiny..
A lucid delusion created by an unknown Deus
A handpicked torture for the suffering soul..

I will be the sacrifice for a dreary future
A victim for this world of white, drowning in a snow borne sorrow..

The Beauty of Reflective Aggression in Women

There is something more than them being soldiers
There is something rebellious that you might not feel
It's a different vibe that you receive, it's unique,
Nothing like what you feel with the lady with high heels
And a load of perfume, walking down the street, with her stature
Striking you like a bolt of lightning, coming out of nowhere..
It's nothing like that..

Maybe the bitter of taste of cheese goes well with the ripe flavor of plums
A mellow feminine image decorated by the figure of strength
Maybe that what hits you hard on the face, rather than how tough they are
It is picking symphony over a love song or lullaby..
Guess it's the simple odor of power that tickles me under my chin
And lures me into the trap of nothingness within..
I know that they'll be out of reach,
Yet I am bedazzled by what I desperately beseech..

Ladies of military forces, posing for the cameras, it's a different world
Set me loose without a map, and I will be unheard
A world of jewel lays beneath this rugged coal
Yet I believe I can dig up and find the beauty of it all..

In the Shadow of Sheria

All minds, behold..
Let yourself free, let yourself be me
Let us think the same way, without thinking
Let us deny the core of our creation, and let us be ruled
Control your body, cheer for the vague
Cheer for the stuff you can not bear
Shout out, let you voice be heard
Shout until the memories are burnt
And you are a new you..

Let your soul be possessed by the rhythmic movements
Think of nothing else but a foul salvation
Serve the will of a greater good
That you will never get to reach
Be a part of a systematic downfall
Fill out the pockets of those already rich
Live a life of misery, play with the others that suffer
Bow by the ones that made you this
Hoping that one day you will be rewarded..

With pre-filled ideas on your mind
Ram down what is accepted as universal good
And establish the right of a single mouth
Bow to one leader, make every command happen
Create a world of simple frustration
Neglect the beauty given to you as a gift
And learn your ways from a free man
Live like an animal, die with pride
Fall in the darkness inside..

I wish that everyone had a single second to regret their lives after they died..

Within Silence Lay a Mysterious Remedy

Clutched memories hold on to life..

Upon a fairytale lay the secrets of darkness
A world unknown to the eye of the seer
With the longevity of the span of minuscule troubles
A life is a pool to drown in..
The perfect pitch from a thesis laid out on tables
A character jumps out of pages into our lives
Haunting our dreams down the cliffs..

The tremolo of the voices shatter the strength within us
We crumble into ashes with the burning flames
A sudden realization that the end is near
And a curse spills from our mouth, cussing at those troubles
Living in our spirits even after we are dead
Bothering us below the ground as the flesh is tormented..

Open your eyes, dreamer
Open your eyes to the blackest day
Your blindness will not be enough to cover up the future
A perfect stiletto will rip through you silhouette
Standing in front of the sun..
Then you shadow will be devoured by ill temper
When you start rumbling the streets with rage..

Our destiny awaits patiently while we try to stretch out for it
It's almost there, finger tips receiving the static
A small hesitation covers the doorknob like grease
And we still can not decide..

Are we there, or are we standing outside?

The Dark Pocket

I reach out to find out
A secret pocket on my coat
That was not very well hidden as the adjective suggests
"Secret" comes from my own negligence
Just as always, just like any other thing in the universe
As they are a total mystery to me..

In the secret pocket dwells a tyrannical mischief
The demolisher of universal balance
Looking like a kitten in my hands
But with a flick, spurting wild flames
Where did you come from..

I feel pulled towards the darker side
I reach out for a smoke, a molotov cocktail
I want to let the darkness devour me
I want pain to swallow and crush my body
I need the city in flames..

A Nero complex
A habit of fire..
A maniacal desire...

All rooted from the pitiful existence of a hidden pocket
And what it conceived within..

Doublesided Blade and a Shy Masterpiece

In the end, everything leads to solitude
In the end we will have no air to breathe
No emotions to feel, no body to embrace..
In the end, we will feed what we despise
And join the Nothingness Club Universal

Then why bother to avoid the finalized situation
Why try to create something different for ourselves
Stop being the slave of something that hurts you the most
Enjoy your life through the life of misery
Yet feel that you are living up to it by dividing it to days and months..

Why run after something that's impossible
Stop being a fool, wax your ears to the words of impossibility
Never regret loving someone by tearing that piece out of your heart
Then you will never be turned down, other than a job
Which will be your own incapability..

Stop loving, for once and for all...

********

I felt it groom me.. I felt the change
I felt the great feeling, I was out of my cage..
I felt the need to cry out to the world, I needed to smile
I haven't felt like this for a while..

No worries kept me waiting by the bus stop
I would walk down this road until you'd drop
A preserved magic laid restless deep inside
As I thought of you and only you in my mind

I couldn't hold myself when you even dazed the stars
Lost in wilderness I was, misguided by the burning Mars
Now I felt like I totally belonged to you
After long, I felt that it was so true..

Now I laugh at myself, laugh how I was a part of a made believe
Now it is so amazing that I could be deceived by what I feel
The truth was a bullet that went through my head, and I, the fool
Just couldn't let myself be the ultimate tool...

*********

In the end of it all, it never matters.. it never matters who we are and what we do and where we are because in the end of it all we know that we will be facing a great wall.. we will be questioned, they will want us to cross the borders.. they will want how much we want to go ahead.. and we will choose to remain behind because this wall takes two to get through.. and I might be though yet I don't add up as a single entity.. the power in numbers, the power of belief.. the ultimate source to make you believe, believe in the garden of eden behind the towering fence..


we scratch the itch, only letting it bleed more..
because we know that it feels good
yet it will never heal, and we are built not to care
and face the pain..

Painkiller

In the land of a thousand broken dreams
I lay hidden beneath the clouds of dismay.
I longed for a sudden breath to suck me in
Swallow to my own existence
To the only path of redemption..

I lay down, longing for a thousand years
Torn apart by the thousand broken dreams
A restless heartbeat suddenly illuminated the falsified creation
Suddenly woke me up to a mirage
I felt lost, yet found myself in nothingness..

Pity, a new way of grief to sojourn in mind
Yet reluctantly, the heart was the host
At times, it needed a new pair of shoes to walk in
And a plague bit off chunks from the logic
Leaving me in the middle of everything..

I walked past by a midlife crisis that wasn't mine
Wanted to hold on to it so badly, got rejected
A tear was not there to be found, and I sympathized
My own clarity felt a burden within the sacred monuments
Digging up for answers were now declared redundant..

So I let a slice of mine slide away from the future into the past
And silently listened to it as it pulled me by
Now I lost my abilities to turn future into present
Everything was a simple utopia as a whole
As I was held captive in the shattered picture frames..

I knew that it was the time to take a deep breath
Knowing that there was no pain ahead..

----------------
Now playing: Aes Dana - Morphologies

That Train Never Came..

(Inspired by the movie "Wristcutters: A Love Story")

..it was never thought of as some kind of a demeanor.. it was rather a reflection of sincere feelings..

a thousand years could've passed but the truth wouldn't change at all.. it was carved in stone, it was there to stay..
with a prelude to joy, our laughters filled out the sky..
then came the soft warmth of a winter night..
then tears, misinterpreted as a side product of the laughter of elation..
how stupid of us, how ignorant.. a misconduct of an innocent soul
or at least it seemed so, yet driving us to a subliminal madness through fear,
through the incapability of providing us with answers..

we insisted, said "what are we here for, give us a reason!"
and all remained silent..
we answered silence with an echo
couldn't rebel against this force, so we chose to comply
we responded the same way, only to be buried in this repose even more..

***********

down by the rivers laid an unsettled emotion that yanked out from my heart
I uttered its name silently, hoping that the winds would carry..
of course, in a life full of failures, we weren't expecting to smile..

along the restless ocean stirred a decrepit hymn
reminding us of all our gloomy sundays
when the sun shone for the last time upon our hearts of darkness
and let us go by our way, by the fire, by the stars
by the impediments of our life, the bleeding scars
through the nostalgia spurted out by the kerosene...

then we realize that our heart needs a home
a wild adventure that has been yet a torment
has to end somewhere where it can lay and rest..

believing in the good days, knowing that you are there
hoping to find you and love you, feel the wonders of mutuality
live by you, hold you, kiss you
be away from you and miss you...

all a fool's ballad of broken dreams..

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Now playing: Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart