Noun

The retaliation of everything past us haunts us once again

A new day, a new horizon, a false perception through the limited senses of the humans

We are erect, yet ready to be eradicated, hands tied by a fate

Stolen from the Gods with the very fire Prometheus dawned upon us

A black curse that shone warm in all our hearts..

Now it means nothing but the sizzling bubbles on the surface

And that putrid stench that embraces our sensibility..

The love letters to the future are always late

Always seems to be the right path around the neighborhood

But all we face is a dead end along the way..

We have failed to follow up, we have failed to continue

And we end up dicing a lifetime into periods that frees us

A happiness overrides the atrocious moments of our lives

That just seemed to live with us happily ever after..

Suddenly, our memories crawl down to our nose, leave with a sneeze

Oh such joy on our faces, hallelujah, things change..

Progress was never meant to be a noun to be claimed by men

It is just the vision of progress that we process in us

It's just reforming what was already available in the making

We don't suddenly teleport, nor we grow wings and follow the trend..

Humanity goes nowhere,

A happy new year it may be, but we are here to stay the way we are

And no one shall ever complain, it's all of our fault.. 

Madrigal of the Night

Until the darkness resides in my dreams, I have few gasps to form words

Unfinished sentences that flow into my dreams further than the eye can see

Beyond the tune of the solstice, a myth awakens to the shallow existance..

It's all about expectations, and how we create the most subliminal, tedious lapses

It's how subtle a man can yawn without waking up the truth residing in the shadow

It's the minute tendency to be off the ground with a stream of ropes..

Perfectly still lies the mystery in a coffin buried in oscilating phases of humanity

We collide sunshine and darkness in a body, an emancipating, rigorous malevolence

The seeds of creation never foreseen such a might expanding in the shell..

It's what the light takes away from us while it bows and leaves its grounds

The will to exist, the will to be a part of the future, for the future is bleaker every single day

And post mortem expectations only seem like bedtime stories..

What are we missing, what is that bond that links us to the core of our burden

and doesn't push us off the cliff into the cavity of our grim thoughts,

Hold the knife away from our heart, clearing the thoughts of possible redemption?

The madrigal of the night sings silently throught the ablazing storm,

A tender hand, yet a bitter slap, and the slow awakening process, the clearance of vacuity

The tunes sinking deep in our souls, piercing the body yet strangely keeping alive..

The madrigal is why we are penitent of our sins that are never commited,

It's the sole perfection that matters beyond our own insignia

A saviour like an angel, a lover, a mother, an fulfilling carress..

The madrigal lives in the eyes and dreams, and the memories ashore,

It never dies until you do, so you try to keep it alive,

It's the beauty past the limits of imagination, a speechless perplexion..

The madrigal of the night sings, and I shed tears down my spine..

So Painful..

Under the bellowing trees is a sacred keep

The mournful ecstacy tastes like glimmer of the truth

It's the silence echoing through the mystical whim

Our necks bowing as a gesture to the night

The smell of the putrid soil wakes us up from dreams

It's painful to be here, so painful..

Across the seas lies my heart, dreaming..

I feel it beat, tsunami hits the shore, I curse a name

The name that stole my soul from me..

I try to shout for help with no response

Just an angel looking down on me with a shining smile

"Can one not fall in love with an angel?" I inquire

A childish hope of winning the lottery amongst millions to follow

The hope lets go of my neck, I see the soil.. the smell

It's painful to be here, so painful...

Every heart shines towards the dead cold sea

The porcelain of the sky trembles with the chill breeze

A lucid dream right by the shore, where we let go ourselves

Somewhere out there, our soul lives in a shining star

At least that's what we always hoped for, now it's too late

We sold our soul for the game of love; a cheap trade..

It's giving up everything, knowing you'll loose

"Keep your hopes high!".. well, that's a lie

I don't feel anthing now, in this dark corner, I lay with blank gaze

It's painful to be here, so painful...

Mermaids rise from the surface of the glitter

Unspoken words cling to the air while we are perturbed from listening

It's been days and months, yet we stand still, gloss of the day lost

Now darkness avails it's true face that murdered millions

Has no mercy, no shame, nothing, just a smile

That's what killed us this very day; no one ever cared

We were toys, and we kept hoping, and now that the hope is gone

We are left alone, bullied in this orphanage

It's painful to be here, so painful...

Emotive

Cure the wounds, touch them and feel my heart beating

Doing its best to patch them up, quick and painless

Time was in the bottle that sits there, empty

I got a full shot just to hope that it will take the pain away

But I know once I regain full conciousness, it will hurt more than before..

Synapses erode with the screeches travelling back and forth

The pain is never central, it's like a communal mourning central

All systems start to fall on their knees, pleading for hope

I give them your smile, allright, and they silence for a while

Only to come back asking for more, this time your miss giving the pain

All the streams of passion has been stored in a vase

I sometimes give you a bit of a taste, but I want to soak you with it

I want to feel the freedom and joy of sharing it with you

Instead of hiding it like a 5 year old's treasure

A fragile existence of minutes in an eternal casket..

Body

On a perfect night, we feel the cosmos spinning in us

It's a tone of tangerine, a bit wild and luring

A thematic promise that goes beyond our imagination..

Lying by the shadows of the moon, thoughts are a bland pool of curiosities

We venture into the kingdom of our wills, hlding onto them one by one

And we never feel like leaving this place ever again..

This is the place that I am with you in my dreams,

The seasparkles singing our song as we are filled by the scene

It's our hands that do the talking, the silence is our love's aid..

Too deep in the pond, I see myself getting lost in an exitless maze

Consistent steps to keep up with the madness

It is the sublevel of our tolerable insanity reflected onto the world..

We collide sometimes, two or more, become many, and rule all together

These collisions are what makes us the way we are, accepted or not

It's our sweet romantic insanities that drive us to the edge..

The Point

You know that point where nothing means anything to you anymore

When you start to search excitement somewhere other than your life

Your eyes hurt from dryness, tears are no more a toy of your pains

Sleep is unnecessary and a time wasting process, until you pass out

Drinking just to forget the past and numb your senses,

Throw up to add excitement to your daily life and experience something new

Love to get the attention you've always wanted,

But never loved back because you're too lazy to try to take a step

Embrace the cold to shiver, a thrill that you haven't sensed for so long

Freeze to hope that it will be your ticket out of here

Smile because that's what you want people to believe

Smile because that's what you believe..

Forget how to smile because it doesn't make sense anymore

Just stare because every blink hurts the dry surface of your eye

Stop caring about time because it's always coming back to that same point?

Detour

Somewhere along the highway, I open the door and jump off.. That car becomes an object of the past, dissolves in the horizon..

I tumble, roll, bounce.. It's an uncalculated physics equation that simply equals to pain..

The cement.. it is not forgiving.. It's warm, like an embrace though..

Then it burns.. the cement burns.. the scars..

They are my palette as I draw the guidelines of my self-submitted agony..

I stand high.. No crossroads to detour from the past or the future..

I sit down.. No hope to pick me up and drive me away..

I was trapped here because I wanted to in the first place..

But I didn't know then, that the sun was this poignant..

I was tricked by the soothing air in the car..

The rays were blocked by my shattered glass..

Here I was, with nothing to hold onto but my warm scars..

Past Resurrection

Randomly tracing through what the memory has stacked on that filthy corner of my mind

It's a corner hat I don't really enjo being around.. It's just that, you know...

Just all those stuff that I miss so deeply now, and can't get back

All the loves and feelings and events that are now stolen by the past..

Their resurrection os my death..

Wondering until when I can bear he sweet taste of the stack pulling me towards it..

It's unbearably not to be able to be a part of your self. even thoug it gives you umtimate pain

It's all those precious days you've spent, and all the efforts for the beloved one

Now you are trying to establish your life with that? Pure bullshit

You will find yourslef crumbling down soon, all the realizations of the past wil strike you and..

..that's where I don't know where I am heading.

I tried every direction; east, west. north, south... Nothimg helped

I didn't realize I was pulled towards an endless pit..

I knew it was my end.. I could feel it burning inside me, all those memories..

Drowning

Through this fog that holds us together
I will scream my heart out
And then maybe things will get better
And then maybe it will be a life worth owning
And then maybe it will be worth being a part of..

Constant shades of gray color our sky for the tuning
Machete echoes tear silence with a gruesome approach
Gore is hidden behind the sensor for our own good
But is it worth living without the truth?
We will face it one day, no matter how hard we try
We will be there, no questions asked, thousands of replies...

Through our own perishing gaze at the world
We see that essential thing that kept us awake through days
Decided, we burn it all down, we want to live it for real
And it's too late to realize that it was all we had
Simple hallucinations instead of legs; now we collapse
The saddest part? There is no way up anymore
You can't reform the hallucinations, and your life of slithering begins

Weren't you, in a way, on the ground for years
Saying they were all tears of joy, of grace?
In the bottomless pit, a mindful ocean lays, waiting to drown us
That's why we were scared for years, the truth is, we are that bottomless pit
Filled with an ocean of thoughts that drown us upon discovery..

I make strange noises that make no sense now
Do you understand me any more? Do I make sense?
It's probably me, drowning...

Insanity

Tracking the senses for a valid exit from solitude
All hopes fail when you run away from a cautionary tale
Cracks on the ceiling gape, drooling years of sorrow
In a corner where your childhood lay, you crumble
Tears of ashes burn you deep within, questions ask
The lost cause of reason that created this ubiquity
Of motionless hazards that cut our thread of life..

It's hidden in the music, says I, and true it is
Within the fog of a dreary tunes,
Evasive replies to unwanted questions create echoes
A terminal vortex in subspace, non-amendable curiosity
Versatile forecasting grappled our focus into sublime horizons
Regret has been our bedtime toy..

Goodness gracious, said I, the 365th time in a year,
One more year is gone, one more day left behind,
One more night is coming to an end, one more hour lays dead in my hand
One more blink and I'll be a mist, forever so close, past never missed
Together, in the strangeness of existence, a mind and sanity is lost
In separation it is set free, yet now has no way to express itself
Our insanity is the sweet taste of meat that pulls us away from reality..

Hunch down upon every single problem and blow them away
I created myself a space to get lost, never to be found
Hand shake in front of eyes, no response..
Forgot the lights on..

Blind

Cherishing every minute of this togetherness

I lay silently in the pond of lotuses

Calm dreams of cherry blossoms swinging by..

A lucid image of you on my mind

A thoughtful sequence ofwords of description

That never match in pattern or color

A hand that pushes me away from you

I insist, I try to cut it, bare metal

I lean over it towards you, just for the savour..

It's just that daily dose of glimpse

Like a warm coffee of the day, and a small chatter

Your lullaby tingles my shadow..

A collection of your images, hanging around my mind's chambers

A lurking admirer in the camouflage of a regularity

It's so tough to chase away the sweet daydreams...

A relentless chimera strangles me from day to day

Possibilities flow like falls across my vision

I am blinded by your being..

Autopilot

Wailing through the silent walls of my pettiness

I discover truth that was long forgotten by many

Even I had to realize that I was awake, poking the wide open eye

Trusting the longing for that land far away..

On the wings of the gulls, I fled ashore

Only a speckle of soil could've been my home

A violation of my loneliness, crawling like a centipede

Growing in circles through our gaze..

The right hand of our existence is our past

A mute weapon, piercing through the now and then

An agony wraps the conciousness, I feel my body

I feel it tasting the ground, just like every time

Just like all the times I have been down

And the dark was my only ally in this desolate alley..

Like a punch in the face, the drastic aftermath of living

Seeing the imaginary through our false sensors

It's just a stupid world of assumption that we enjoy

The purest pleasures have a glitch that bothers me

Keeping me awake every night..

The wildest tantrums bestow the courtesy of freedom

A sweet taste dissolves into our body, and euphoria wins

When the effects suddenly dissapear... That's when all falls down

That's when you realize you can't handle being down

That's when, when you look down that cliff,

You see that endless road ahead of you..

That's when you dissapear in thoughts, and autopilot enjoys a lie..

In the Wake of Moonshade

Are you tired of laughing?

Post-devour synapse of multithreaded connections

An amputee of collaborated cardinal mischief senses

Discretion for isolation amongst mediocre testimonies

The will of blood permeable of complex formations

Machinations of termin through recurring obscenities

The risen goddesh perishes through timeslots

Framed colossal conjunctions lapse, syncing with grace

Faint odor of failure disputes the remedial dreams

Contortions on the plot extend through the benighted gaze

Fictitious own persuasions lead the herald of subreption

Yet failure is a pact between those that worship prosaic tenses

Sobering to another bright light in the retina..

Slappy Happy

Historical watershed glorified by the solidarity
A sculpture's aesthetic synapses collude
Momentary loss of free will to destiny
Chances collide into permutations of infinite
An overflow in the lack of pestilence..

Waive a transmutation for cryophilic emulators
Undone catastrophe smells of the new year's roast
Delightful dew smothers the pearl hidden in the mussel
Carefully deliver the wave of fragile happiness
I await..

Wet wishful lips, taste like wine, not mine, not mine
Viral infection of the taproot, the world collides
To the core, down to the core, burn..
Emergence, can you see us hiding beneath ourselves
A misinterpreted past for a future of tentacles..

Unarmed assault is a tempting way to commit suicide
Unlike the chaotic suburb of hell, inglorious precision determines nothing
A single arm is way past the bed time for ephemeral drugs
Slap to the face, you knew it was hurdling this way, oh, pleasant
Thank you, love, that was precious..

Touched

Ahh, just about time..
Just when the rays started emitting death and
Boundaries ran upwards towards the lynching bay
Concise burdens started covering our path
The dense fog choked our oh-two down our guts
A splinter of rain stuck in our heart..
Welcoming the early fall, the fall of myths
The fall of our hopes,
A gravitational trajectory pulling it towards the flame of our frenzy..
Our hopeless pique sound the loneliness of the nightfall
Engraved poison blossoms..

It was expected, that precious pinch that would make us bleed to death
So vaguely hidden in the shredded grains of our conviction..
None would've predicted the utmost fatality that it brought
A leakage from a deep gutter lay still on my palm
Vicarious suffering through a remote settlement..
A single letter pronunciation takes the lead: why?
Why was that splinter a basilic venom for my soul
A shriek in the mouth of the python with eternal greed for happiness
Undone through the decapitated solitude of the parchment
That carried all my ill will and desires..

I saw it coming, but could not dodge
For I was an eternal keeper of the morbid malevolence of passion
Even the blind seer couldn't cut me loose from my strings..
I abide to the post-mortem mourning, a delicate pain?
A whimsical notion, catastrophic results through a simple sneeze..
Not too much of a surprise, I clearly depicted to self the oncoming storm
Yet chose to enjoy the wind that spurred an ecstatic feeling in me
Not that I wanted to exist that moment, but I had roots not so deep
And was a carry-on passenger in a non-stopping train of pain
Dumped in scars deep within every now and then..

All was because of an emotional bond to an entity
And being smacked by the physical bond to another
Still, flickering at 60Hz, I couldn't find the means to run away
Paralyzed by that emotion that smelled like vomit..

Laughter Echoes in the Shrine

A mind piece that is misused by unfaithful prayers..
A player at the verge of nothingness, a duplicate..
Funny how crossroads don't intervene anymore!

It's not a testimony, it's how one forfeits their penalty..
Territories do hurt after simple collision, yet they don't exist..
It's just simple echoes of personal egos,
Alternating currency planted by mishaps..
Nothing fancy, fully personal, extremely amateur,
Simple tickles applied on a newborn cause less chaos,
A grimace borne hate, mindless regressions..

Step back from your word, switch meanings
A mash of soulless extremes..
Smirk..
Cowardice, futile squirms of last breaths..
A mask falls off on the soil, is the seed of all hate..
We live by, due all respect to the past,
Forgetting a dull future with an excess..

It just wraps around a laugh,
An uncaring, cynical laugh..

Hopeless Hopes

I feel the blood getting sucked away from my head..
It's just as if I'm going to faint any second..
Uselessness, idleness, hopelessness.. All fails me today...

Hands bound together; chaos, within an arm's reach.
I have surrendered to mother destiny,
Sucking that venomous milk from her rusty nipple...
Feels so wrong today, an accustomed feeling
Yet it surpasses others, rips me apart..
Do you feel my heart pounding, can you hear my rage?

Words decode into images of misery,
A friend's screams corrode my life, etches the pain inside..
I, the failing confidant, now exposed and vulnerable
Growl deep inside, feeling so helpless..
Now I can feel "fate" with all my senses..
Its audible laughter, its painful whip..
Cleansing the joy from the outer rims of our life
Giving us a toy to play with, a Trojan Horse..

Embedded in the sonic waves of the nightfall
I see darkness through my blindfolds
I adapt to that fist inside,
The squeeze that brings tears to my eyes..
It is pure awakening, when you can feel your body throbbing
A safe place amongst all the scourges..

All of a sudden a stranger is hurt out of nowhere
It's the pleasant cramp of dusk
Effortlessly tying our bonds to the light
And our mellow darkness brings desperate nightmares..
We run, but the truth is out shoulder
Whispering the reality from time to time..
And then we fall, helpless fetuses...
As if we'll be out of harm's way
By imagining ourselves in that shelter,
The caressing warmth of our beloved ones..

I feel the blood sucked out of myself..
Now no word matches the flames inside
As I try to slither up to the light that awaits me
Within the bungle of darkness's grapple..

Pearl

...words are idle translations to our feelings which cannot be explained by simple structured sentences that we use to form our lives through daily communication forms, and the hazardous use of multiple characters of an expression pulverizes the true meaning of an emotion which we can also refer to as the pearl in the oyster, and it is known that once the infrastructure is damaged, the true value of the pearl perishes and the thing left behind is a simple dust that we can refer to as memories, an extremely common substance in the human brain that is highly related to the learning process of the brain, called experience, that is gained through living through a series of events that are correlate at times which result with the genuine human experience called surprise...

Burden

I conceive a burden bigger than my capabilities...
It has been growing in me faster than any child
Yet it has been taking it forever to come out..

Words stuck to my tongue, images stuck to my head..
I don't feel right, I know I never will, but I try..
By you, I will try to smile..
But the happiness of having you by my side is incomplete;
It still needs the accompaniment of "forever"...

I am bound to believe that the better days will come
But the future is laid in front of me like a hopeless battlefield..
My desperate efforts to avoid it are futile series of embarrassment..

I will continue to fail, will never give up, but will always want to..
I know that I will never claim the trophy that will never be mine..
I will always carry this burden by my side...

Please, Anemone.. Dream of Eternity!

After the perfection subsided, our motivation collapsed..
We were one, felt like one, but sparkles rained upon us
Stars collided in multi-universal patterns and the fourth dimension expanded..
A notion of mechanism of existing substantial values explained themselves
They were no better than a naff that scaffolded our phenomena..

Sticking to the relays of battering gouge within our anatomy
We never learn from the lessons of the past that left us crippled
Bloating peripherals misshape the curfew of neglect
But a pointer might shadow our tormenting correspondence to a rat in a maze..
We don't have an exit.. Just a mere smell of cheese.. And death..

Poison the lovely bearing of life in the rotten shelves of this mansion
Soak the energy with the one thing that loads it with meaning
A perfect blindfold for the senses, a bondage that doesn't give pleasure anymore
Whips of lashes picking on the last verbal affair left in our palms
The sweat of mystery sweeping clean the remnants of a torture...

Burning sensation in the voice of a raconteur
Whispering our past to the tabooed ears shut behind emotive responses
The lives of others that our tongues longed for thousands of days
Closure of emptiness brought darkness on the thought process
Manifold of a prayer jammed our mouth shut
The last breath of happiness escaped through a cough
Involuntary business with the manipulator
We are a cascade of emotions.. A close end to the outburst..

An arrival stabbed the kingdom in the middle... We fell...

Songs from a Wordless Mouth

Visualize, and live the morning lights
Now sleep is your enemy
Sleep will take you on a journey
A journey opposite to that of reality

Plead to be honored by a sight
Greater than any you've seen
Abide by the taboos of the world
Feel the hopelessness inside

Flow through the cascades of dismay
Learn the limits the hard way
Expect a better life
One that you will never reach

Touch the hot glass and burn your hand
Not to learn, but to shout out
Just because your desperation won't give the pinch
To break the silence of this night

A cloud will hide you now
To protect your face from tears
Wash it with purest waters of earth
And lay you down to rest

Don't close your eyes and don't stop
Cry forever and feed the clouds that served you
Let your hick-ups disseminate the fear inside
To all of your body..

Can you feel it now
What will you do?
It's taking all over your body now
It's destroying you..

Watch yourself from a third person view
Enjoy your moments as your rage towards life burns you up
And your tears soothe you

Watch as you dissipate in this knot...

She...

An old tingling sensation suffocates me from deep..
It reaches out beyond times, through the memories of past,
Through images of today, through the scent I imagine...

My eyes lower with a shroud of thoughts..
Sleep is now so far away, as my body surrenders to an old acquaintance..

You know that I will no longer breath, and tears will flow
Until I run dry from my eternal fasting...
Until I can no longer stand the pain..

That will be the day I will scream in vain with the last particles of air in my lungs...

*********

Mystical sounds prevail the truth in our embodiment of facts
The shadows of a long gone impact now haunting our dreams
Our darkest parts of existence slowly scratched on the surface
Digging deep as we wander around relentlessly...

No one will ever understand our pain.. Even we are clueless..
Now that there is no chance for a possible antidote, we salute the living..
No encores, merely some pain, but leaving the stage..
For no particular reason we can explain.. Just leaving..
Because the sounds call from deep within...

Our lives, a pragmatic dissonance in the labeled craving for eternity
Chunks of hysteria spread through the system like a disease..
We are bound to die, reasons do vary, but we are bound to end
And we can't question the reasons no matter how stupid they might sound...

**********

she is the flower that sings its lullaby in my darkness
she is the scent that blinds my vision of the future
she is the unexpected dream of beauty

...she...

...is my end...

... I surrender to the passion of the past...

...need...psycholeptics...now!..

A sincere blood is tickling my chest..
Wait! Wasn't this supposed to be inside my body?
How did I die? What happened to me? Why?

A voice says, self submission..

Everything becomes clear..
As clear as it was before..
So densely lost in fog that I cannot see the future...

This tune of discordance, can you feel it?
Can you hear it taking over you, crawling through your senses
Dominating all your feelings like an addiction?
Can you hear the melody of your fall
The beat that brings you flat on the floor?

Envision a brighter future, the voice says from nowhere
Because we choose to ignore it
Because it is an irrevelant fact to the real truth..
How can we dream of colorful days when the past is just not there?
How are we supposed to live better lives
When all we do is duties and not stuff that we love
How can happiness surround us when our life is caged
In a stupid cause called fate, the simplest form of obedience?
We will die.. We will think we were proud of our lives..
But at what cost? What have we become?
What has this world made of us? The world created by humans
The world once belonged to nature, and was pure and simple..
Now complications make OUR LIFE simple.. and tasteless..
All the fake joy we have in everything.. So not there...

Human didn't need gunpowder to kill itself...
Human created gunpowder to save itself..
All the stuff we created to defend ourselves..
Now a suicide is a residual escape portal...
Maybe painful, but sudden..

Who are we to blame for ending our lives so soon
Without even knowing the philosophy behind living?
Is that why there are freedom fighters?
Hidden rebels against a populative system...
Is it that foul smell that awakens some from their oblivious sleep?

You don't own this life.. You never will.. As long as bound by the rules..
You will always feel the burden on your chest
But will never be able to name it...
That's why you have to live through..

Here, your daily dose of psycholeptics..
Enjoy your lies...

Welcome..

In the sweet wavelength of the ripple I've lost myself..
Towards the master void of entity I found myself traveling...
A delicious piece of meat for the darkness.. So tender, so young..
Thoughts unharvested, thoughts stolen by oblivion,
Thoughts that dominated my mind for years, now only a sound
A call from a distant voice that asks me to let go
Let my body free of all the tension and fall down the waterfall..

Now the warmth of the sun is fading..
My summer has ended.. Will it be my end too?
Will I descend behind the mountains to be forgotten
Until I resurface into a world that I will never know..
The past shone above like an idea that gave me strength..
The tender touch of a hand that tickles the cheek..
The love that flows from the minimalist connection..

Now the notes sound absurd.. So atonal.. Yet so beautiful..
The distortion is a cage for the heart's pound,
And every second I breathe is pure pain..
I learned to love the piercing emotion that corrupts me
Every single heartbeat that kicks me in the face..
I smell my blood on the surface of my own survival..
I feel the flesh touching the cold of death..

Now the melody is bleak, the thoughts vague..
A man wandering in the woods, away from his own being..
Hoping to find the beauty that the sound calls him to..
But now the vision fades, just like the music
Alone he stands stranded in the place unknown..
No instructions, just the place, with nothing but him..
Not even the ground nor the gravity, nor the air..
No suffocation, no pain.. No lights, no colors..
No darkness to focus..

Now the epiphany is a wanderlust echo that my own being surrenders to
A false deity, urging the manifestation of the weak..
A sting of collapse, a blade that tears the bonds
Between the living and the dependent..
Now that the parasite is gone, the soul is free
Flowing through the ripples of drops falling from the spring flowers..
Floating through the resonance of a cry of our mourners..
Flesh was our only fault to be alive, now this separation creates a new home..
Welcome...

Dæmon

The demon in me is waking...
Almost an eternal hibernation
Yet an awareness of its existence..
A life passed with sins, yet none of them so vile..

The demon is me is waking to possess me
To drop me down, to torture me..
Taste of this sour wine called blood
Becoming more friendly and caressing..
Changing roles now...

Whispers for a Fallen Soul

Life is a sparkle, a precious one..
A moment of distraction, a breeze catches the flames and chokes them into thin air..
Life is that tender laugh held between our palms like a priceless pearl..

It is an ominous coincidence of events that lure us into the Siren's trap,
A matter of moments, and our existence is of question..
One moment, the silver substance called soul dominates our cells,
The next, the body collapses, sinking down deep
The pitch black emptiness we envision as reaching heaven..

We leave behind millions of souls..
Thousands of them, we know..
Hundreds, we care about..
A fewer that feel it mutual..
And a handful that we love deeply
Without even knowing where it comes from..
When we're gone, we create streams
We create noise, we create echoes through the streets,
We create a commotion that we could've never ordered..

For all of this, we have to sacrifice a sparkle..
Even if it's an involuntary one..

Human.. The perfect tool of distraction..
The perfection of the clueless state of mind..
The one that will never know what is next,
The one that will never control the thing coming up..

No one can admit that death is the best thing that could ever happen
Because it's us that is left behind,
It is us that sheds the waters of the body for the lost souls..
The knowledge of pain, the burden, the template of discourse..
We will never feel the comfort of the final sigh
Until we face the truth..
Until we lost in oblivion of our darkest dreams..

Lost Hope

A translucent state of mind flows in this corrupted system..
I fail to be what I am supposed to be..
I am not here, when I should live in my body..
When I should be the host, I am the predator..

I fail to follow a path, I fail my destiny..

My mind still thinks of better days..
A distinct hate towards the present, a cowardly embrace for the past,
The result is a delusional existence of a disposable body..
It is there to live because it's ruled by hormones,
But the real control mechanism is away...

Abandon the ship, called the captain months ago
When the living conditions were too disturbing...
The thoughts needed comfort, the thoughts needed freedom
And the body needed a friendly embrace...
Now, dwelling past the conquering methods of life
A body struggles to be a part of its own fate
As it stumbles due to the lack of a mind force..

I was never here..
My home was summer of 2007..
A summer that will never be lived again
Except in my memories..
That's where I am at..
A bitter reunion, a sweet transition into morbid subsistence...
All those leftovers, crumbles of visions, familiar voices..
All that I can hang onto..
All that I want to be, but can't
In this rotting, vicarious shroud..

I was never here...
Those eyes never believed what they have seen..
For them, the only truth was the past
The days of happiness that erased the frown on my face..
There were ups and downs, but it never let me down...
You, the one that exists now, you are not real!
You will be a distant thunder once I find the rewind and replay button..
Once I get back my freedom, you will be a hiss of solitude
And I will be alive, once again..

But until then I shall leave this body for its own existence
Leave it be, and bury myself deep in the fractions of the essence of elation..
An astral journey that might never end
Until my power source decays
Since I have lost all hope
Of ever going back...

Despair

Where are you now? Where are you?..
Where will you be when I fall down,
And cry like that little child I was,
Yet still am..
Where will you be to ask me if it's ok,
To wipe my tears, to hug me with that warmth
Calm me down like a summer breeze on an exposed skin..
Where are you know? Where will you be?

All my hopes falling like icicles on my head
A pain never felt before, a new definition..
One that I would've never wanted to learn..
A year has passed now, since the day that changed my life
A year has passed now, since I haven't seen you for I while..
This separation was a bit more than normal..
Wait! A bit? Did I say 'a bit'?
Curse bit my tongue like a black venom!
Ugly figures of dropping cascades!! Ah, the mausoleum of pain!!
Sweet! Sweet, brother.. I prefer choking the sound!
Let this solitude be my stalker once again for my mistakes!
Yes, the core of ultimate distraction.. I am not me again, once more, lovely pain!

Clear out this face clean of all the smudge splattered by my mischief..
Yes, I am a sinner, I have sinned.. All the time, maybe lacking at times..
I am here to open my arms and accept my punishment..
Just don't let me be away from all the good things that ever existed..
That painted me like a children's coloring book,
So alive, so pure, so elegant, so natural..
I want to live again.. I want to feel that I live..
So take me, do whatever you want.. Because I feel not!
I sin, yet I feel not, that's why I sin, hoping that I'll feel..
Once again.. Maybe? The future is no bright landscape to color my eyes..
Maybe it's my ultimate blindness.. Maybe not..

COME BACK NOW! I NEED YOU!!

A Trip to the Mind - Deep Within Dark Chambers of Solitude

I can't swallow.. It's beginning to get harder.. It's always dry now, no matter how much I drink..
No matter how much I drink, I still feel the pain.. It is there to remain..
It just won't fade.. Not from my head.. Not those images of dread..
I feel.. I want to get lost.. I want to be nowhere.. I don't want to be found.. I can't...

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

This is not the end to all of my sufferings..
I always felt this way, so I was ready..
I was always ready for another blow, right in the middle of my face..
Just like an arachnophobic waiting to be attacked by a spider
I was prepared for the full blow
I was ready to digest it in my own nothingness
I was ready to feel the misery in my bones..

The day came and you were there, in front of my eyes..
I just didn't know what day it was.. No one told me..
I learned it a couple of weeks after that it was the day
That my eyes met your eyes
And my heart boarded itself to you..
That attachment.. Never felt before.. Never..
And never to be felt.. Never being able to set loose.. Never..

Nothing was to happen.. I knew it.. Look at me, and look at you...
Look at me again.. And look at you again.. And look at you.. And look..
Your beauty has captivated my eyes again, yes, again..
And the fairy tales of "Once upon a time" plays in the background
A story of you and me, never to be of history... Yes..
Ahh... Such comforting moods of reality..

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

None such luck can be of amending quality!
Pure existence! Pure existence! I realized!
I long realized the essence, but never took a sip.
I just let myself roll along with the waves
Along with the thunderous sound of the winds..
Silence.. That is the blade that cuts through me!
The vicious entity, not wanting me here anymore..
It is painful, yet the reality itself..

-o-o-o-o-o-o-

It all runs in the blood like a memory..
But it's all a dream now.. An unreachable dream..
So long, happiness; welcome, suffering..
You, in the arms of someone, a nightmare...
You, in my dreams, only a dream, no reality..
Equations of the mishaps past my vision..
Part ways with the reality that no one wants to accept..
Ahh.. The sole truth patting my back for being a good boy..
Such a lovely obedience.. Such a lovely pain..

Shiver (An Uncompleted Piece from the State of Fear)

Hold me..
I don't want to go.. Not just yet..

this soundscape ain't the perfect pill for insanity...

a kiss from the past from a picture, long forgotten
a surprise appearance from the ashes of the memories
an absolute pain upon realizing how things changed
how things never turned out the way you expected..

you envisioned a brighter and happier future full of flowers
now that your eyes are open, you live the future that was clouded by your dreams
a timeline to plot the transitions in your life
every bullet point, a shot of pain to your heart..

familiar faces paint your today but in an abstract way
you would've held the brush a bit different if you knew
if only you saw it all coming, if only life wasn't this cruel
you hold your cheek with shock after the bitter slap...

sitting down, laying down with music to make you float in dreams
the dreams that bring you back to your brighter past
a tear flows down the sizzling hot of the slap, only to disappear
and to never come back again, although you may hope one day...

this soundscape ain't the perfect pill for insanity
just because I thought of it the other way around:
a manufacturer, not the cure; now I float in eternal distress

with a virtual gun pointing at my head..

Book of Spring - An Intimate Loss of Connection & Recreation

It made no sense, just like it never did..
A strap-on to keep us in place was never useful because we were never able to run away
Our legs gave up trying after realizing the truth about life
After seeing the mines setting off around the fields
It came to its senses and feared of death..

Selfish, in my opinion,
Selfish to keep the reason to the limit that only you are considered..
What if the body has the will to be torn into pieces?
What if it's dying to taste the pain and drown in hate?
The legs didn't care.. Rather couldn't, because of their fear of death..
But there was bravery where the heart laid..
Yes, some people called it bravery,
Yet it was nothing but a sequential derivative of the events that occurred
That finally heart felt that there will be death no matter what..
If it stayed here, it was subject to rot and trail off with tears;
Nothing was of inspiration now, a desolate island of burden
A non-materialistic, metallic, non edgy world with nothing to impose the self to
An impediment to the spiritual relief through astral projections..

It has seen the fall of the Muse..
The wings burning slowly, the angel crying out in vain,
And no one to help but the heart itself..
It has seen the last struggle of the Muse
But could do nothing about it..
Legs were too afraid to step out of the circle
Too afraid of its own death that it cared no more about the heart
The only thing that kept it alive..
So fell the Muse, burned into ashes, scattered around the clouds..

The heart had lost the last reason to live
Now it needed new ways to die
It wanted to feel alive, instead of sitting here, waiting to loose senses..
It commanded, shouted to the legs
But they listened not..
It cut the flow of blood to them
Legs still feared the other way of death: the sudden and the unexpected..

Soon the heart gave up
It knew that it was here to stay
So he built a shelter of bricks
Closed itself in, as if it was trying to suffocate itself..
And it did, it started to die
Sending the last moan out into the world
Hoping his fate won't be like that of the Muse,
Hoping that its estrangement will be the path to keep him alive..

It had no other choice.. Already at the verge of death
It wanted to make it an unusual one..
It never made sense, how it had to arrive at this very spot
How it was lured into this trap..
Death, now seemed more friendly and caressing;
It looked down to the legs, legs that it strangled
It felt the victory in its blood.. A comforting pact with death..

Almost a Year..

Till pain tears us apart
Till living is a mortal burden
A suffer of silence suffocating the last drops of eternality..
Images dance around the revolving empathy of signatures in our own belonging
Dreams set the sails to the greatest divide
An ice age freezes the world but we live on, knowing that there is still heat
Upon embracing your body in the darkness of our hopelessness…

This is the shade that makes us shudder and shatter into pieces that get carried away by time
This is the mourning of the gulls, ashamed of their recklessness
Incapability of getting us together once more
Only memories stand straight, proud
As they push the tears flowing down the creeks on our faces…

It is that smell again that I get once I think about you
That distinctive smell of loneliness, a smell that doesn’t have you in it
The spirit is let down by the truth, the incapability to handle motion
A midnight voice soothes the somber conflicts of the minds
Yet the hiccups dominate our hours, accompanied by the meadows of dreams
Where memories are tried to be placed and relived..

Now the pain is deeper, darker
It is killing me to be here, it is killing me to be without you
It is killing me to remember that it has been almost a year since my life has changed
And will never be the same ever after…

Destiny holds me in her palms like that seer with the magic globe
And laughs over my pain and misfortune…

I touch the soil and feel my roots coming down on the ground
Now this is where I have to belong and feed
Yet you are missing amongst all the elements that enrich me
I grow up, bent to the ground
Always bowing, waiting your arrival…

Silence to Sorcery

Only eternal Silence can be spoken eternally…
Perceptions of truth created by a time gaze
Ration respond to the misleading lights
Change is nothing but a transition of colors in a picture
Along the curves we float, without the reflex

Arrival at point zero creates the perfect circle
Anomaly of perceiving through synthesis of path recognition
Memory implant onto the present conditions and recreational observation
Flow through the subsystems to the main ecosystem

The Eternity being the perpetual reappearance of what repeatedly disappears.

Thought’s relative effect of words on the surrounding condition
Reflecting the silence back to the position that it was created
The initial voice silenced out, also silences the source
Now the source utters words without meanings to fill the sullen air
A speaking without the inception
It is the tongue of the matter that already exists
A metamorphosis, reshaping of matter into monument
Reforming silence into sorcery throughout the words
Only to emphasize and monumentize the silence itself, forever on

Only eternal Silence can be spoken eternally…

inspired by: Alef, Mem, Tau: Kabbalistic Musings on Time, Truth, and Death

Conclusion to Book Two

White is off the catalog of what nature can offer..
Sun shines the sorrow out of our hearts with a single smile,
Winds still clog the path to eternal freedom, yet the cold
The rustling cold of winter is past..

Now is time for the new book to be written:
Spring..

Nothing Will Be the Same Again

I always wanted to call myself a simple fool for playing with such big words,
I would look at myself in the mirror and say "What are you doing? Leave that alone!
You're going to break it.." I always saw myself holding the Ruby, trying to steal it away..

It was one of those nights that I sneak peeked at what was right below my chest.
I remember myself being horrified after that sight bedazzled me for weeks...

That's how everything began..

I just went back to old memories as I felt the cold chill on my back..
It was patting my back, saying "Everything will be ok", a sentence
That gave nothing but pain and took my faith away..
After all those years, there was only this cold chill that was slowly killing me
Waiting for it's reward that I kept in my chest..
My Ruby..

  *****

The first time I looked at it was the moment that I knew I could not live without it..
I knew that it was that one thing that kept me alive,
Pumped the words to my tongue and fingers...

I was to keep it for myself, I knew it.. it was going to be my own secret that I'd be buried with..
That's what I promised, and I kept it. Until..

Until there was the second person involved, the one that I wanted to share my secret with
I let them sneak past the dark chambers of my mind, through the traps
Into that grand chamber to share that moment with me..

They looked away, they didn't care..
They acted as if it wasn't there..
They spat on the Ruby, I kept it clean
Tried to save it from them, but I should've known
I should've stuck with my oath.. For ever..
With every single word, the Ruby shattered, the juice leaked
and I saw it die with my own eyes.. I patched it, healed its wounds..
Now it looked just like new..
Then I promised, to keep it alive..

The promises were to be broken
Just like the Ruby..
It was constantly attacked, my weakness..
I was not the perfect guardian, I failed..

Now that huge monument that took my mind away
Was nothing but a small rock in my palm
Keeping alive with my chest's warmth..
I could hear it moan, I could keep it dying..

*****

I looked at myself in the mirror..
It was that kid that played with the Ruby
Not even knowing what it was..
I told him, nothing will be the same again..
He looked at me, smiled, and dissapeared out of sight..

Now a sullen heart lay bare in this world
Unguarded against all the filth..
I lay down on the pedestal of the great temple that was its..
Now ruled by wild ivys and tranquility
And a cold wind that watched me give up..

I coughed, blood spurted, I knew the end was near,
I heard the wind whisper "Everything will be fine"
I let go a smile, closed my eyes, watched my soul rise..
I clenched the Ruby once more, felt the warmth
I knew that my hand wouldn't let go
Even when I was away..

Revival

I once believed that a man could be revived..

I saw comebacks from the other side
I have seen deaths, but I have witnessed the last moment returns
Bodies that sprinted with joy after the events
The people jumping up and down with joy..
I've seen it all..

I still believe that it is possible to bring back a dead body
It's just not the same for a dead soul..

The End is Alive

The end is alive and I have seen it
Seen it with my very own eyes..

The end of my hopes killed my dreams
The end of my dreams strangled my life
The end of my life brought me to tears
The end of tears dried up the emotions
The end of emotions created me
The end of me will be the darkness, and
The end of darkness is nowhere to be found..

I have seen darkness when I was alive
And it's the end of it all..

The Leap of Darkness

O' heavenly voices and the dark clouds that give way to the holy light
O' the screams within each and every man
The slavery of thy masterpiece
Behold the man with the blood shed for tears
Behold, for ere lays the land with pitch black soil
A grudge hidden from the eyes of the mortal
The secrets soaked up by the caring mother
From the chariots of that swipe deadly sins..

As Prometheus set flames to my hearts that will never dim
I feel it breaking the casket and taking all over the coffin
The limbs are alive to full power ahead, and the world ends
Up where the destiny is set
Cowardly yet precautious is the invasion that sets within the hand of power
The will to rule it all, the slaughter of the good
The evil rising in charge, the simple plan concocted
Even the foretold baby was born..
Today, the fate will play the strings
An unknown desire that will be in charge
Once and for all
Until the flames will light for eternal destruction
Once the phantom limb will be the crusher..

O' heavenly voices and the dark clouds that give way to the holy light
O' the screams within each and every man
Tonight is the night to go silent
Tonight is the night to color black the skies
And never shed hope to the humankind..
Gloom and despair will have no pity
On those that prevent them from venturing forth
Darkness will not hesitate to choke
What heaven and joy provoked..

The Limit

I can feel I am approaching the limit
Slowly and slowly, I can feel fury taking over me
As I get less and less obedient
Loose any kind of affection towards any human..

For me, a human without a breath
A time that stays instead
Is the chef's choice on the menu..

As my solitude is hindered
I become something that I fear
A man of zero tolerance and extreme rage
With a clench far beyond deadly

I feel this unity is killing me
As I give birth to a perilious baby

Love in the Time of Daisies / Snow Borne Sorrow

We form clouds with our mouths
In the burning chill of a winter night
A homebound train of thought leaves our heart

A silent music is the shattering hope that stings our heart on this lonely night
The transient hospital for the sorrow lays the foundation
Whenever a shining thought comes to mind, it loses the light
Becomes the very burden of the distance with reality..

Ghosts are not here to haunt, but to beat us down
Break our legs so we can't stand up straight and high
The lack of tolerance to the past not being the future corrupting us
Laying us into those shuddering dreams and nightmare streams..

Amiss is the greatest companion more than a friendly hug
Or a feverish kiss that bursts into joy..
Amiss is the beauty of it all, the simple pleasures of being alive,
Bitter is to live without a soul to embrace
Feel like nothing more than a dull casket
Limping around this lifeless earth that constricts the merry will..

Love in the time of daisies
Laying around the meadows of the sun
Where the cattle is alive and dreaming..
Filled up to the top notch with elegant delight
I surrender to my feelings, rocking me like a restless ocean
Hand fondles the plains of life, a quiet smile accompanies
Picking up the petals to discover love's destiny..
A lucid delusion created by an unknown Deus
A handpicked torture for the suffering soul..

I will be the sacrifice for a dreary future
A victim for this world of white, drowning in a snow borne sorrow..

The Beauty of Reflective Aggression in Women

There is something more than them being soldiers
There is something rebellious that you might not feel
It's a different vibe that you receive, it's unique,
Nothing like what you feel with the lady with high heels
And a load of perfume, walking down the street, with her stature
Striking you like a bolt of lightning, coming out of nowhere..
It's nothing like that..

Maybe the bitter of taste of cheese goes well with the ripe flavor of plums
A mellow feminine image decorated by the figure of strength
Maybe that what hits you hard on the face, rather than how tough they are
It is picking symphony over a love song or lullaby..
Guess it's the simple odor of power that tickles me under my chin
And lures me into the trap of nothingness within..
I know that they'll be out of reach,
Yet I am bedazzled by what I desperately beseech..

Ladies of military forces, posing for the cameras, it's a different world
Set me loose without a map, and I will be unheard
A world of jewel lays beneath this rugged coal
Yet I believe I can dig up and find the beauty of it all..

In the Shadow of Sheria

All minds, behold..
Let yourself free, let yourself be me
Let us think the same way, without thinking
Let us deny the core of our creation, and let us be ruled
Control your body, cheer for the vague
Cheer for the stuff you can not bear
Shout out, let you voice be heard
Shout until the memories are burnt
And you are a new you..

Let your soul be possessed by the rhythmic movements
Think of nothing else but a foul salvation
Serve the will of a greater good
That you will never get to reach
Be a part of a systematic downfall
Fill out the pockets of those already rich
Live a life of misery, play with the others that suffer
Bow by the ones that made you this
Hoping that one day you will be rewarded..

With pre-filled ideas on your mind
Ram down what is accepted as universal good
And establish the right of a single mouth
Bow to one leader, make every command happen
Create a world of simple frustration
Neglect the beauty given to you as a gift
And learn your ways from a free man
Live like an animal, die with pride
Fall in the darkness inside..

I wish that everyone had a single second to regret their lives after they died..

Within Silence Lay a Mysterious Remedy

Clutched memories hold on to life..

Upon a fairytale lay the secrets of darkness
A world unknown to the eye of the seer
With the longevity of the span of minuscule troubles
A life is a pool to drown in..
The perfect pitch from a thesis laid out on tables
A character jumps out of pages into our lives
Haunting our dreams down the cliffs..

The tremolo of the voices shatter the strength within us
We crumble into ashes with the burning flames
A sudden realization that the end is near
And a curse spills from our mouth, cussing at those troubles
Living in our spirits even after we are dead
Bothering us below the ground as the flesh is tormented..

Open your eyes, dreamer
Open your eyes to the blackest day
Your blindness will not be enough to cover up the future
A perfect stiletto will rip through you silhouette
Standing in front of the sun..
Then you shadow will be devoured by ill temper
When you start rumbling the streets with rage..

Our destiny awaits patiently while we try to stretch out for it
It's almost there, finger tips receiving the static
A small hesitation covers the doorknob like grease
And we still can not decide..

Are we there, or are we standing outside?

The Dark Pocket

I reach out to find out
A secret pocket on my coat
That was not very well hidden as the adjective suggests
"Secret" comes from my own negligence
Just as always, just like any other thing in the universe
As they are a total mystery to me..

In the secret pocket dwells a tyrannical mischief
The demolisher of universal balance
Looking like a kitten in my hands
But with a flick, spurting wild flames
Where did you come from..

I feel pulled towards the darker side
I reach out for a smoke, a molotov cocktail
I want to let the darkness devour me
I want pain to swallow and crush my body
I need the city in flames..

A Nero complex
A habit of fire..
A maniacal desire...

All rooted from the pitiful existence of a hidden pocket
And what it conceived within..

Doublesided Blade and a Shy Masterpiece

In the end, everything leads to solitude
In the end we will have no air to breathe
No emotions to feel, no body to embrace..
In the end, we will feed what we despise
And join the Nothingness Club Universal

Then why bother to avoid the finalized situation
Why try to create something different for ourselves
Stop being the slave of something that hurts you the most
Enjoy your life through the life of misery
Yet feel that you are living up to it by dividing it to days and months..

Why run after something that's impossible
Stop being a fool, wax your ears to the words of impossibility
Never regret loving someone by tearing that piece out of your heart
Then you will never be turned down, other than a job
Which will be your own incapability..

Stop loving, for once and for all...

********

I felt it groom me.. I felt the change
I felt the great feeling, I was out of my cage..
I felt the need to cry out to the world, I needed to smile
I haven't felt like this for a while..

No worries kept me waiting by the bus stop
I would walk down this road until you'd drop
A preserved magic laid restless deep inside
As I thought of you and only you in my mind

I couldn't hold myself when you even dazed the stars
Lost in wilderness I was, misguided by the burning Mars
Now I felt like I totally belonged to you
After long, I felt that it was so true..

Now I laugh at myself, laugh how I was a part of a made believe
Now it is so amazing that I could be deceived by what I feel
The truth was a bullet that went through my head, and I, the fool
Just couldn't let myself be the ultimate tool...

*********

In the end of it all, it never matters.. it never matters who we are and what we do and where we are because in the end of it all we know that we will be facing a great wall.. we will be questioned, they will want us to cross the borders.. they will want how much we want to go ahead.. and we will choose to remain behind because this wall takes two to get through.. and I might be though yet I don't add up as a single entity.. the power in numbers, the power of belief.. the ultimate source to make you believe, believe in the garden of eden behind the towering fence..


we scratch the itch, only letting it bleed more..
because we know that it feels good
yet it will never heal, and we are built not to care
and face the pain..

Painkiller

In the land of a thousand broken dreams
I lay hidden beneath the clouds of dismay.
I longed for a sudden breath to suck me in
Swallow to my own existence
To the only path of redemption..

I lay down, longing for a thousand years
Torn apart by the thousand broken dreams
A restless heartbeat suddenly illuminated the falsified creation
Suddenly woke me up to a mirage
I felt lost, yet found myself in nothingness..

Pity, a new way of grief to sojourn in mind
Yet reluctantly, the heart was the host
At times, it needed a new pair of shoes to walk in
And a plague bit off chunks from the logic
Leaving me in the middle of everything..

I walked past by a midlife crisis that wasn't mine
Wanted to hold on to it so badly, got rejected
A tear was not there to be found, and I sympathized
My own clarity felt a burden within the sacred monuments
Digging up for answers were now declared redundant..

So I let a slice of mine slide away from the future into the past
And silently listened to it as it pulled me by
Now I lost my abilities to turn future into present
Everything was a simple utopia as a whole
As I was held captive in the shattered picture frames..

I knew that it was the time to take a deep breath
Knowing that there was no pain ahead..

----------------
Now playing: Aes Dana - Morphologies

That Train Never Came..

(Inspired by the movie "Wristcutters: A Love Story")

..it was never thought of as some kind of a demeanor.. it was rather a reflection of sincere feelings..

a thousand years could've passed but the truth wouldn't change at all.. it was carved in stone, it was there to stay..
with a prelude to joy, our laughters filled out the sky..
then came the soft warmth of a winter night..
then tears, misinterpreted as a side product of the laughter of elation..
how stupid of us, how ignorant.. a misconduct of an innocent soul
or at least it seemed so, yet driving us to a subliminal madness through fear,
through the incapability of providing us with answers..

we insisted, said "what are we here for, give us a reason!"
and all remained silent..
we answered silence with an echo
couldn't rebel against this force, so we chose to comply
we responded the same way, only to be buried in this repose even more..

***********

down by the rivers laid an unsettled emotion that yanked out from my heart
I uttered its name silently, hoping that the winds would carry..
of course, in a life full of failures, we weren't expecting to smile..

along the restless ocean stirred a decrepit hymn
reminding us of all our gloomy sundays
when the sun shone for the last time upon our hearts of darkness
and let us go by our way, by the fire, by the stars
by the impediments of our life, the bleeding scars
through the nostalgia spurted out by the kerosene...

then we realize that our heart needs a home
a wild adventure that has been yet a torment
has to end somewhere where it can lay and rest..

believing in the good days, knowing that you are there
hoping to find you and love you, feel the wonders of mutuality
live by you, hold you, kiss you
be away from you and miss you...

all a fool's ballad of broken dreams..

----------------
Now playing: Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart

Aesthetic Perishing of Conceptions Into Obsolete

The kingdom will rise again..

That was the main belief.. That was what we slept and woke up with..
It was about to have a great comeback, and we were so sure...
Our faithful desire showed us no way but a tendency toward renovations..
We were believing in brighter days..

Only clouds came, covered up the sky, rained for years..
First, the sun was gone; the crops grew no more..
The children never grew up properly
The hungry men didn't feel like working at all
Efficiency was crashing down at a phenomenal rate..

Then the moon and the stars too..
The man had no reason to look up to the sky
They lost their beliefs, they felt tricked,
A hand would possibly reach in and grab them one by one
Into the realm of death..

Then the trees and plants died and animals ran away..
Now the world was hell itself
With no activity then the ongoing moan from the fallen kingdom
The wind didn't even feel like blowing
The people faced the last point of starvation and plagues..

Then the rain ceased to an ultimate end..
The land dried up and cracked
The corpses began to fill the air with a distinct odor
The blood spurts remained all over the palace
People that were left alive now felt their muse fly off
Embraced their own solitudes, counting down the days..

Then there was nothing..
Nothing but the ruins, nothing but death
Covering the kingdom of filth
A blind belief occupied the hallways
Since the fall of the empire..
It never went away, it kept the population captive
It was the terrorizer that has slain the masses..

Now the king, slowly rotting in the throne room
Shed the last drop of liquid of the whole kingdom..

Untuning the Remnant of Genuine Hamartia

Listen to the silence..

As the moments passed through the unknown coordinates of pleasure
I felt I was inflicted with pain.. A pain greater than any known..
A pain that couldn't be shared, nor could be healed..

Death was haunting me from the dark corridors of abyss
I flinched with a stupendous horror into my nutshell..

******

Like a sorrow swan soaring through the mystic derailing of life
A shackle torn my freedom out of a blister
Set aside for future references of redeeming a fatal claim
The end had a private gain from my restlessness:
A vengeful vulture watching over my possession, my soul
My guts that kept me alive for these past years..
I return to memories and try to remember what I've done wrong
And can't find the answer inside, so I open my eyes..

Then I see the world..

******

Paradoxes strangle the bare minimum of the life source in an embodied catastrophe
Unlike any other truth that flounders in the make-believe process
The timid hallways of always emote a shattering gaol of mind..

Many believers never thought of thinking..
They only existed to exist..
A populative population of marauders
A cavalcade of masqueraders in a transit sanitarium..

Memories replenished into speckles of dust on the mind..
With nothing to hold on, the living let go of the body
and the lump of inactivity created a funeral for itself..

******

The little red riding hood asked:
"Grandma, why do you live? What's your purpose?"
...
The wolf ate little red riding hood
and pointed the barrel to his head..
Blood spilled, heavier than life itself..

A Prologue to an Unfortunate Farewell

In this instance where nothing began to make any sense,
A crack of corruption tickled my heels, warning of the forecoming doom.
I chose to listen, but I had no plaster to heal the wounds
Yet remained in silence within, the aggregate impedance shed within my soul..
I watched as the hole grew bigger into a masterpiece of destruction
I grimaced to the emptiness of the words that I chose to embrace..

Now it was too late for everything..
The phone didn't work, my voice was suppressed by the crackles
My body paralyzed with fear, my eyes swollen with terror..
There was no way to call for help anymore
Besides, it would be useless..
It was meant to fall apart in the end!
I saw the way it was established, I witnessed the way it was harnessed
The main plot line of a story corrupted..
Yet I didn't voice it out, never felt the need to..
Now, the extremity of a wry past strangled me to my death
My own creation becoming my very own destruction..

..and I had nothing else to do but remain silent..

Now the hole was the unity of every single membrane of a ruined system;
It vacuumed the life and became the perfect symbolism of death
The savage master blocking the ways to the salvation..
It was there, the end of the road was the naked truth amongst all the deceits..

I felt like I was being pulled to my crematory..
I felt like the heat was burning me all inside with rage,
First, responsibly driving me out of the sense's inn
Setting me afoot on this dreary day
And then luring me in with the murky tricks of ages..
Then I would become the isolated lunatic, ready to be set aflame...

In a world of failures, I was bound to become a sparkle of dust..
I was bound to obey the entropy, but it wasn't supposed to be an implosion..
It wasn't meant to end this soon when the span threaded the shroud for 5 times longer...

Now, at the verge of the ferocious flames, I wished for a chance to count my keens..

Reflections from a Sunset Ordinance

...the petals of the black locust dropped dead on the ground, leaving the body exposed to weakness..

there was no joy in the air for the snake to feed on..
there was no dances to sing the tunes for..

a dull movement of revelation passed among the branches like a summer breeze..
it was venomous for the living, a deafening experience for the ears..
it killed thousands and millions among the population..
none knew what was coming..

it was an announced delivery of obnoxious blemish..
the blood was ready to be spilled..
but the method was different..
a cold breeze hit the swaying trees and poisoned them..
ideas inhaled the bane and fell dropping from the sky..
the trees embraced it, believing it was the earthly chill..
the sun bowed with modesty and gave way to the night..

the moon and the stars never came..
an shattered sky of darkness covered the world..
the fog revealed the truth..
the death came upon those living..

now, in this crepuscular and dreary desolation
a sparkle tried to light a fire
only to be consumed by the dusk..

A Tremble is a Shatter for the Weak

Another hour in the lift..

It seemed from the first moment that it was going to be painfully slow.. Quenching melodies for the ears that kept us on the track for a long time..
They call it the elevator tunes these days..
Even in the power outage, this tune kept playing on and on in my mind, accompanying me all along..

But soon, hunger was to take place in the scenario.. The hunger for the revelation of the subliminal plot of this ride.. The lack of vitamins encompassing my body.. an anomaly of the bones..

Another hour in the lift..

Without the numbers, the lift seemed to be on a hopeless trip.. Body started coveting the freemen, delusions started to fill the air.. Tendencies were clearly outlined..

Stated that it was never the much anticipated beginning of ascension, the incline to the misinterpretation of a journey was much more than forgiving.. Thus the body conceived non-existent memories of a sudden past.. That was, a repetitious climax which started to lack effectiveness..

Another hour passed by..

Now the hand was reaching out for something sharp.. To carve the numbers into the elevator.. To actually make believe that we were somewhere other than a point in nothingness.. A destiny, a destination was a necessity..

A sudden rage collapsed onto the body.. Then melancholia became the burden.. Emotion after emotion ravaged the soul and it only left behind stone pillars of mischief..

Another hour slapped the already awake traveler..

In a corner, the traveler sat, recovering from the furious attacks of senses.. It got up, tried to get some fresh air through the lifelong delusions..

Then, unexpectedly, the lift came to a stop.. The music descended into repose... The lights dimmed.. All the emotions were left inept.. Excited was the traveler, excited he was, for he believed that the journey came to an end.. He waited for the grand opening of the doors..

It seemed like hours sealed shut the doors..

Nothing happened... The same setting, the same theme, but a fresh characteristic for the voyager.. Now he was terrified, anxious, panicky.. He didn't know what to do.. He was losing it all in this claustrophobic hell he was trapped into.. He didn't know what was to come, and he didn't know what he had to do..

Hours stirred thoughts in the passenger's mind..

He decided to carve out a window.. "I'll get out of there" he said.. He knew there was no exit.. He knew he was stuck in the middle of something beautiful.. He had to get out and embrace the presence of freedom..

The gust of emotions was the only thing that controlled his body.. No reasoning, no logic.. Now he only depended and fed on the thoughts he conceived for so long.. He dug and scratched and worked for hours until a glimpse of light passed through a small gap on the wall..

He started dancing, jumping up and down... It was only one step ahead.. He knew what to do.. He only had to slam onto the piece he was carving and he would be outside in less than a second..

That's what he did.. He rammed the piece down, and created his window to the soul.. He smelled freedom first.. Then heard the wind.. It was rather faster than he expected.. He felt the breeze; it was making his skin itch.. He felt the cold; he began to shudder and had to curl up.. The best sensation, he left to the very end..

He opened his eyes..
Opened them to an endless depth he was flying over..
He looked around to see the elevator climbing up..
He suddenly felt the wind change..
He suddenly realized his projectile change..
Down was the new up..
He gained speed..
He closed his eyes,
Never to open them again..

The time seemed to rewind it all backwards now..
Yet how it passed mattered no more,
Once the end was crystal clear..

Sue is Hide - The Complete Abstraction Guide to Solitude

Now it comes to the question of "Where did I do wrong?"
A sudden realization is trailed by a transformation of the major question.
The mind start to ask: Where did I do right?
Then the concepts are broken into pieces for detailed analysis:
What is right? Right, according to who? What makes it right in life?
All of them philosophical yet unanswered calls into the night,
and a soft silence speaks with the rain dripping on the windowsill..

The glitch in the master plan was the entity's own perseity
Just a waste of productive energy...

The glitch in the master plan was world itself
And the way humans were set..

The glitch was to try to stick two humongous forces together
Only to cause an internal combustion that led to the explosion
of the smaller mass that was easier to destroy..
The society was corrupted too, but then the society could remain corrupted
As long as the impact separated the deceiver from the core..
One by one, the fleas on the dog vanished in their confinement
Never to come back..
People saw them all the time, not knowing they weren't there
Not knowing that the system replaced them with placeholders for the smooth operation of corruption.
They were lost, in wonderland they tried to create..
Only when they finally failed, they ceased away permanently;
Even the placeholder was gone, never to be seen..
Tears were shed, "Why, oh why?" tens, or maybe hundreds asked..

They asked the wrong question..
If only the "Where did s/he do right?" popped in their minds
They would've analyzed past occurrences to realize that putting an exclamation mark
Just where you gasped for more air
Was grammatically correct..
Then they would nod and appreciate
That an exclamation is eventually a reflection of the corrupt societies impact on free and delusional minds
And the only escape to solitude of purest form...

Supernova

Upon the winter solstice, I was left beyond the shroud of solitude
It was a sentimental embodiment, the rights were fixed to be the faulty perceptions.
I looked up to the sun and felt the breeze
of being alone in a dark universe with silence condensing the melancholy
The beauty of the stars unreached, an underachieved trip to galaxies beyond hallucinations of euphoria..
It sums up to being suicidal
When you are the center of your universe
And those stars light you up with their charm
You are an arm short, that's just what you feel like
In reality, you are nowhere close, and you know it..
And you feel useless without togetherness..

It comes to that unbearable point where depression and dismay wraps the body
and the life lived until now..
An implosion into an endless pathway,
a dissatisfying gluttony due to permanent breakdown
An end is a beginning of non-ending misery..
A subversive black hole, a product of an immersed succumb..

Until nothing is left of this life
The passageways of misery omit the pure laws of existence
Absorb the pure energy of entity..

...Till life is no more...

A Winter Solace and Unshed Tears

Throughout the momentary lie, we observed the pioneers of tremors in an autonomous plight. Current manifolds of dystopia were accusations on the wailing truths of desperate corners.. Once the imaginary folds of entity were observed, the current independence would have been a courtesy of a greater purpose. Yet, the silence was the only solution to the shattered backbone...

----------

The little red riding hood looked up in horror..
"Why are you so depressed?" she said as she closely observed the wolf.
"It's the dark side of the medallion.." said the wolf, with a voice coming deep from his thoughts.

The girl looked a lot more inquiring:

"What.. why do you write these pieces?"

---------

I sometimes wonder if this life is on suspended animation.. Is it the subliminal message that these writings serve?
Then I hit myself with the simple remembrance of what I am. I am what? What am I?

It becomes an oblivious path that trails of to the realms of ember.. I feel the heat..
I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks..
Why do I write these pieces?
People ask me, are you ok, is there something wrong..
Is there, I ask myself, is there something right?
A post-percussion stage of silence into the beats of anticipation
A knowledge disparity subject to confined allegiance
I yonder within a cell with limits
I try to inhale but the extrovert blots are impeccable of the diminished mistakes of a single entity
While the most delusional stages pass through what seems to be an orphan solstice
The rest flow gently among the wings of a firefly..

Not at all am I able to comprehend my utters of emotional traumas
They are leakages I am unable to avert
They are causal, they aren't randomized due to the pollution in the thoughts
They are constituted of the simple elements of microcosms
and the wrath of the light perception and volume tolerance that are dynamic throughout the day
What I create is the complicated blend, a chemistry
Or maybe even an alchemy
of what seems so simple and superfluous..

Yet essential

If there wasn't a hole in my soul
And the worst of me wasn't stripped away
I would be coveting for what would never be mine..

A smirk that rests ponderously on my face
A heavenly attribution that I care not to exalt enough

Born in the Midst of an Abyss

Look..
Right back 19 years ago..
See..

Look..
Right to this moment..
See..

Report..
You can't..
Because there is an absolution of nihility in the air..

So what? What happens if I was born 19 years ago?
Moments pass and days pass and I am thrown into deeper pits of questions..
No answer feeding my hunger off..
What good is it to know that you are one year older instead of living it without periods?
What good is it to live while suffering in a world of demise?
What good is it to feel the deepest agony from the spikes of your grinded emotions?
What good is it to be here without knowing what you are?
What good is it to function without knowing your aim?
What good is it to know that your only definitive purpose is the one defined by your carnal properties?
What good is it to not be aware of what good is it to live?

Well, I guess I have thousands of days to find that out...

Blunders and Affections I Can't Forgo...

Under the clouds of dreaming, were you beginning to decease
Or was it my own perception that was floating at ease?
Between the mirrors of conjugation, I tracked down the past tenses
Of every action performed that flowed into lovely verses
None of them realized the potential they emboldened within me
A partial subsistence into dissappearing regularity in ecstacy

Flickering images resolved the resolutional state of amends
The work of pity renowned as the filth and mud in angelic possessions
One of the true labors of mind was to conceive all that was thrown up
Congratulations flowed like seed, right down my spine
I was there within the midst of humanity
Yet a forgiveness was a distant dream yet forgotten

Below the emergence of true collateral collusion
We posed a several tactile restitutions to eventuate the souther
The warmth that overtook the mischief and laxated the existence
No questions were needed to ask after the pitstop of revolution
We hid the emotions of basic forms no more
A history of misery they were

Now among all the beckoning and etherizing
A future tense is like a chill in the bones of anesthesia
Recollecting those similar feelings is like an itch in the bone
Memories of the past a burden on you
With a move of hand you could've changed the past
That, you realized, right after everything passed

Now you lower your eyes to accept the harmonic defeat
"SCOUNDREL!!".. the voice bounces back the mirrors
There is a point in every line where the scissors of fate cut off
Now I am falling off that cliff on another disgrace of my life
I will jump back just to fall of the same line
Just to degrade myself for failing once again...

Caress of Void

Cold of the winters won't pass the enigma
Of a simple amalgamation of anguish and fate
It won't snow a beautiful white, only a cloud of rain
To a joyful mind will it desecrate

An awful melancholy sets on this city
As the tears blind the fortune
My mind accepts the gloom to the full extent
As the misery chokes the heart's vivid tune

I stand naked among the shuddering winds
As cold freezes and breaks of cells of blithe
Tears become freckles on my silhouette
Suffering adjourns the chords of delight

There I realize the need for a hug
To bring out to sun and let it shine
I open my arms to the endless road
An incompetent bliss trickling down my spine

Only hours after will I realize
That the realm of shadows is the only heir
My lone comrade on this journey afar
Surpassing my deepest despair

No, no way that I shall be healed without a solid embrace
Something that will burn my veins like menthol
An adorable aliment that will ventilate my soul
For a piece of mind ready to extol

A cry yanks out from my heart, unanswered
A head drops and gazes at the pavement
Thoughts of brighter days drool out of my spirit
My body seeks a life that is more than absent

Now wrapped up in my ordeal, I await silently
The clouds give way to the moon and stars
The world is covered with an impeccable white
And the snow soothes my bleeding scars

These thoughts, so silly
Time will come and my entity
Will be caressed by an embrace, warm and deep
As I leave my shroud to its endless sleep

Homeless

This home isn't mine...

That's what I said to myself as minutes trailed down the railroad.
It wasn't a skeptical analysis of my fate abomination,
But rather an instant thought that reflected upon me from the windows of the train..
I was now in another place but this compartment,
I wasn't a part of the concentration..
My eyes belonged to thoughts only,
Thoughts that longed for home..

This city isn't my home.. These houses, these structures,
Even this language I speak isn't mine,
It was a courtesy of an old lady...
I have never been on the trains for this long;
You only need one hand to count to number of trains
And two to count stop numbers in each one!

This is so unlike me..
I don't feel like myself, I don't feel good..
Even the way these thoughts and words trail off my mind..
Something isn't right..
I let myself loose in sudden desperation
But the hit was way more brutal than expected..

Look at me.. My only muse is my longing for everything back home!
This city, this life.. Everything about this place is killing me, one by one..
Only thing that will be left of me will be my angel of inspiration,
Smoothly wandering around my head..
Now she carries my name, now that I am just a body
Bloated with the yearning that slowly fills me in..

There will come a point where it will be impossible to utter the dismay,
The images won't become still, and will glide without imposing an instance to my eye,
The brain will shut itself to its own thoughts..
That's when my soul will ready its crematorium
And bow one last time as a gratitude towards life
And every single beauty it has provided..

The Misinterpreted Concepts - Love/Hate

People still tend to acknowledge simple structures of humanity with fancy names..
It is like a pit of fashion where you can grab all those literate, yet non-satisfactory words that try to form complexity. What we see in the end is not a Picasso painting but a distorted image..

There is no such thing as LOVE/HATE!!!

People tend to get confused with these two sentimental concepts, and are forced to deaths because of following this trend..
People daydream on these nonsense..
People SPEND MONEY AND TIME for these.. and these are all useless consumptions...

What we name LOVE/HATE is nothing else then WORSHIP/REBEL duality of humanity. The first pair only interferes to make you life more complex so you can actually feel that you are in a new era where valentine's day is celebrated!

If you look at the origins of humanity, you'll see all the structures of nations that unite under one flag..
With this, you'll not see a stability but rather a constant motion...
What brings you under a flag is the feeling of WORSHIP...
You can worship a leader, worship the values of a nation..
And when you don't find what you're looking for, you REBEL!!
You rebel against a power, you rebel against a nation..

Then you bring it all back to modern society..
"Oh I love her sooooo much!" is no more than saying "I worship this and that characteristics of this person!"..
and when the worship-able properties of a person overrules the rebellious ones, that's what we call LOVE.. nothing simple, just basic math and chemistry...
Vice versa...

Some people say "I don't believe in LOVE anymore".. that means the person can't find his/her own superior..
Some people say "I cannot HATE anyone anymore".. that means the person can easily bear the rebellative properties..

again, simple..

so why make everything complex?
Look around you...
WHAT ISN'T?

In a Time of Need...

Come back, please come back...

I knew that you wouldn't
I knew that you were lost for a long long time
I knew NOT how to survive without you...
Being in the nest of your warmth created the laziness
And I never got to learn without your embrace..

Now you are gone.. Not coming back for months..
I, and this flashlight that blinks at night,
Come looking for you..
Only to discover
That your are not ours to find..

Honestly
Tell me of some way to challenge the wildlife
Without your guiding halo around me!
Fly me over all those gutters that head my way
Let me embrace you again!

I have dimmed every light
Played every tune I can find
Yet nothing feels like you..

Come back my solitude, come back
I am vulnerable without you..