Lost Hope

A translucent state of mind flows in this corrupted system..
I fail to be what I am supposed to be..
I am not here, when I should live in my body..
When I should be the host, I am the predator..

I fail to follow a path, I fail my destiny..

My mind still thinks of better days..
A distinct hate towards the present, a cowardly embrace for the past,
The result is a delusional existence of a disposable body..
It is there to live because it's ruled by hormones,
But the real control mechanism is away...

Abandon the ship, called the captain months ago
When the living conditions were too disturbing...
The thoughts needed comfort, the thoughts needed freedom
And the body needed a friendly embrace...
Now, dwelling past the conquering methods of life
A body struggles to be a part of its own fate
As it stumbles due to the lack of a mind force..

I was never here..
My home was summer of 2007..
A summer that will never be lived again
Except in my memories..
That's where I am at..
A bitter reunion, a sweet transition into morbid subsistence...
All those leftovers, crumbles of visions, familiar voices..
All that I can hang onto..
All that I want to be, but can't
In this rotting, vicarious shroud..

I was never here...
Those eyes never believed what they have seen..
For them, the only truth was the past
The days of happiness that erased the frown on my face..
There were ups and downs, but it never let me down...
You, the one that exists now, you are not real!
You will be a distant thunder once I find the rewind and replay button..
Once I get back my freedom, you will be a hiss of solitude
And I will be alive, once again..

But until then I shall leave this body for its own existence
Leave it be, and bury myself deep in the fractions of the essence of elation..
An astral journey that might never end
Until my power source decays
Since I have lost all hope
Of ever going back...